Kvetching board for August 27, 2010

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To all of the seniors who replied to the whole listserv about Fall Fest sign ups: Have you learned anything in your 3 years at UNC?

To the girl in the MEGA micro-mini pink skirt on Franklin Street Thursday night: I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure I saw you come down with pneumonia of the vagina.

Dear DTH: After a summer away from you, our sudoku-solving skills are a bit rusty. What on earth possessed you to throw a level 4 at us the first week back?!

FRIENDLY NOTICE TO ALL FRESHMEN: Wearing your dorm keys on a CTOPS lanyard, though sort of practical, labels you as interminably clueless.

Dear hallmate: Your obnoxiously pink and feathery decor makes your room look like the inside of a genie bottle. Or a Playboy mansion.

Dear Fall Fest 2010: I need a koozie.

To the girl at the sunset serenade: The name of the Jewish a cappella group is not, in fact, hezbollah.
There’s nothing like seeing a maintenance man’s crack while working out at the SRC.

To the girl who said in front of our econ class that she wouldn’t sacrifice her arm for the lives of a billion people…would you give your arm for Justin Bieber?

Is Hogan’s birthday really an event worthy of “This Day in History?” C’mon, DTH. Step your game up.

You know, yelling art house poetry at the Pit Preacher doesn’t make you cool. In fact, it kinda makes you an asshole.
To whoever unscrewed the lid to my saltshaker in Lenoir this morning: Thanks, I’ve never actually seen that happen to anyone in real life, BUT I HAD BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THOSE GRITS ALL SUMMER.

Chocolate flavored condoms? Really, CHECS?

Dear Alpine, my $750 tuition hike was not intended to finance your fancypants new LCD menus. I want my money back.
To the girl going up and down our hall in the middle of the night singing “Misery”: what a perfect choice; no song title could better describe what you cause the rest of us with your harassing yodeling.

To the people who live above me: Just because you got all those free condoms at Fall Fest does not mean you have to use them all in one night.

ConnectCarolina: We hated you before we even gave you a shot.

There are 12 — count ‘em, 12 — crosswalks on Cameron Ave. between Columbia and Raleigh St. If you can’t be bothered to find one, I can’t be bothered to stop for you.

UNC: where watching ConnectCarolina is an olympic sport

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to editdesk@unc.edu, subject line ‘kvetch.’