v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Humans vs. Zombies, a game that truly transcends the Greek/non-Greek divide.
To the girl on the quad listening to Rebecca Black with headphones in: Play it loud, play it proud. It’s FRIDAY!
To my wife of five miserable years: I want a divorce.
To the girl in sweatpants and pearls: I know that this is UNC, but even that’s taking it a little too far.
Dear HvZ kvetchers: We know what you think, and we couldn’t care less.
To the guy in the 8th floor stacks with a 5-Hour Energy and a Gatorade reading a PowerPoint slide on Zen Buddhism: You epitomize the irony of college life. Mad props.
To the girls below me: You’re just upset that your guy doesn’t last this long. Love, Girl with squeaky bed.
To the guy who referred to my boobs as “boobs of mass distraction,” don’t worry, I’m not afraid to use them against you.
To the girl in front of me in Chem 101 Google searching “witty facebook statuses”: get a life.
To the PETA activists in the quad: Next time, before you hand me a picture of 50 beak-less chickens stuffed into the same cage, can you at least wait for me to finish my spicy chicken sandwich?
To the ginger girl in RELI 181: If I took a shot every time you spoke in class, I would be drunk every day within 10 minutes.
To the guy that proposed to his girlfriend last week: That was clever, but thanks for making it hard for the rest of us.
To my Stalker: No, I did not write that kvetch proposing to you. Yes, it is a coincidence that we met four years and six months ago. Stop calling me.
If you can’t handle the silly string, then don’t run down my hall topless on Friday.
Professor: I don’t know what kind of karma you’re trying to amass, but having a completion-based quiz the Friday before Spring Break, a midterm the morning after St. Patrick’s Day and a paper due the following Monday is a great step toward being reincarnated as a dung beetle.
To the TA who went to Paris for break: Was it really necessary to come back to UNC with a neon orange Vespa?
Hey HvZ kids: I’m pretty positive showers are safety zones. Just saying.
To the two guys avidly discussing the specs and pros/cons of various Nerf guns: I hope you approach your academics with the same fervor. And has Humans v. Zombies gone too far yet?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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