The Daily Tar Heel

Serving the students and the University community since 1893

Tuesday June 6th

Kvetching board for March 4, 2011

  • Hey Ian, look on the bright side. At least you don’t have to resign now?
  • Sex-skyping is not socially acceptable. That’s what Spring Break is for.
  • Dude with dreads in the SRC: I can TASTE your stench. Please wear deodorant so I can continue to work out without literally gagging every time I get a whiff of you.
  • Dear neighbor, I’m sorry you heard that haiku I wrote about you and your boyfriend. But it’s really not my fault that “Break up now. Break up.” fits so nicely into 5 syllables…
  • I came to my 8 a.m. class to watch a movie about an old man buying condoms in India, the Thursday before Spring Break, REALLY.
  • Dear UNC ticket lottery: Thanks for making me feel like the fat kid at the kickball game. I never get picked.
  • To the girl riding her bike down East Cameron Avenue:
    Mustache March does not apply to armpit hair.
  • Hide yo’ kids! Hide yo’ wife! They be rubbin’ e’rybody’s legs out there!
  • Dear people with the squeaky bed above us: Really? For an hour? We all know it doesn’t take that long … Sincerely, this is getting old.
  • Either use your student ticket, you selfish bastard, or send it to me.
  • So many high school tours… so many FILFs.
  • To the girl in bio who Googled: “Christian boyfriend quotes,” I would really like to know what the hell you were trying to achieve with that search.
  • Salmon-colored cargo shorts? This is why GDIs and Greeks shouldn’t mix.
  • Dear Rick: Your continued whining about the elections a full three weeks after the elections might explain why four in five UNC students voted against you.
  • To the girls discussing UTI’s behind me in art history: Shut it, I’m trying to nap — like everyone else in here!
  • Dear bro drinking what I can only presume to be Keystone Light out of his NOLS Nalgene in Davis: Congratulations, you’ve taken fratting to a whole new level.
  • Walking your puppy on the quad: adorable. Walking your anteater on the quad: Re-evaluate your life.
  • Dear roommate, I hope you know that we can all hear you when you violently rap Kanye and Nicki for 12 hours each day. And P.S., we think you’re crazy.
  • To the obnoxious Brits singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the P2P at 3 am: Thanks for ruining English accents for me.
  • The green lights on campus last as long as my ex-boyfriend.
  • To my Drama 116 teacher: Forcing me to watch a play in which you have fake orgasms did not turn me on to drama … or to you.
  • After all of the trouble with all of the SBP elections, I vote we make Harrison Barnes Student Body Czar and solve all of our problems.
  • I liked Carrboro before it turned 100. Carrboro used to have integrity.
  • To the basketball team: You have proved yourself worthy of Roy’s quotes. Now go chainsaw some baloney and BEAT DOOK.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to, subject line ‘kvetch.’

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