Kvetching Board for May 12, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

I had to find out Osama bin Laden died from Twitter?? AlertCarolina, where are you at a time like this??

To Osama bin Laden, we got you! In the faaaccceeee!

To the girl who left a pregnancy test in the bathroom at the UL…congratulations.

The girl I slept with said I was a 6…I hope that’s on a 5 star scale.

Dear DTH, Your new left alignment is unjustified.

Dear Daily Tar Heel: I was disappointed to find out Monday’s article with the headline “Asian scholars come more frequently” was not what I thought it would be about.

Dear Morrison male lying out in a Speedo, just because you have ‘Aussie’ written across your butt doesn’t mean you are exempt from American social norms. Clothes required here.

To the guy that wore the “I heart the female orgasm” t-shirt: you know that the ones that you watch on the internet are fake, right?

To the Daily Tar Heel: Stop lying to me. There is NO WAY that Tuesday’s Sudoku is just a level 1.

To the senior who thinks the UL is the best place to poop on campus – you’ve clearly never taken naps or craps in Graham Memorial.

To all the drunk and high people at the Snoop Dogg concert: Thanks for confirming all of the college stereotypes for my younger brother.

To my hipster ex-boyfriend: even though you describe your outfit as “ironic,” we both know you put in way more effort to look like crap than I did to look nice.

Giving me my midterm back on the last day of class? Thanks for keeping me in the loop about where I stand, professor.

Every time you spam the class listserv I facebook stalk you.

Preppy twerp in my philosophy class: This week I rejoice that I will never, ever have to hear your stupid Muppet voice again.

Kudos to the girl trying to hide her Four Loko behind a copy of the Daily Tar Heel at 9:00 am on LDOC.

To UNC: Peace out!

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’