kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
DayQuil: Making philosophy classes bearable since 8 a.m.
To the girl talking on the phone in Davis in her outside voice: The table you are crouched under is actually not soundproof.
To the creators of the Dozen Donut Dash: I guess State does have some good ideas.
To the professor who peed next to me in the urinals: Don’t think I didn’t notice that you walked out of the bathroom without washing your hands.
This girl on my hall asked me if I would sponsor her to play video games for 24 hours straight. I asked her if she was aware State is just down the road.
To the guy showering who advised his friend in the adjacent shower to “go to Campus Health if it falls off,” please, please don’t explain the situation to me.
To whoever pissed in the women’s bathroom sink in Connor: You’re either a disgusting random man or a freaky inventive hallmate. Either way, I might put some pepper spray in my shower caddy.
Guy in the next stall: Are you trying to have an endurance competition or something? Because I have my iPad and a colon full of Time Out – I’ll take you down.
Dear Lenoir, the water in your bathroom sinks is too hot. Your food, on the other hand…
To the couple on the second floor balcony in Hojo: You’re in a dormitory, so seriously, GET A ROOM.
To the guy with the FULL raccoon tail hanging off your backpack; I don’t think your “hipster” is PETA approved.
To Anthony Dent: Calling yourself a valued perspective at UNC is like calling Ann Coulter an intellectual. Oh wait, you did that too.
How many sororities girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one … but five more to help design a shirt about it.
To Kenan community: Thank you for the 5 minute shower timers, they help me divide my 15 minute shower into three sections.
To that girl in my PWAD 490 class: Is it weird that I get turned on when you start talking about authorizing the use of force?
To the P2P girl complaining about glitter in her vagina: I guess he wasn’t really Edward Cullen.
I know I am a 6’1” 200 lb black man with dreads and a beard, but I would love to at least be offered a SafeWalk at night.
I miss the days when sentences didn’t start with hash tags. #thankyoutwitter
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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