Kvetching board for October 14, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To all the ladies wearing leggings as pants: Y’all know you look good, so go ahead and do your thing. Haters gonna hate.

Dear “Business Journalism” majors: Just because you spend your weekends hanging out with Chris Roush at Bobs doesn’t make you part of the B-school. You can go update your Twitter now.

Ninety-nine percent of the world’s statistics are made up on the spot. #OccupySomewhereElse

To the mystery person who left a quote from Dostoevsky’s “The Double” on my dorm room’s wall: If you’re female, I will marry you. If you’re not, we can work something out.

The economy is so bad that even Apple is losing Jobs.

Dear UL, midterms make me suicidal enough without seeing the title “Please Kill Me” in huge letters on a book in the stacks. #literaturethesedays

To the guy I tried to run over on Manning Drive: Your jumping abilities ruined my day.

To freshmen girls who still have profile pictures up from the summer — that was sooo 10 pounds ago.

Girl in the bottom of the Union Tuesday in the tight blue skirt: Is your name Taser? Because you are stunning and can make me submit any time.

A Perry Tsai column about budget cuts? Interesting … Oh, never mind. Penises.

To the squirrel with four nuts in its mouth at the same time: way to make every girl on this campus look inadequate.

To the cute nurse at the Red Cross who missed my vein because we were flirting: better luck next time with the needle and the date.

To the girl walking through Rams Head Plaza in a towel: You take the walk of shame to a whole new level.

To the kvetcher who thinks every ACC school is by the ocean: How are the beaches in Raleigh, Charlottesville, Blacksburg, Atlanta, College Park, Clemson and Chapel Hill?

To guy on his phone saying, “I think they still love me”: Bless your heart, I hope you’re not talking about your parents.

To Ms. PETA (probably a girl with legs hairier than the “FULL raccoon tail”): It’s a fox. I’m a diva, not a redneck. Xoxo.

Hey Clint Hannah, I bet that saying “dOOK girls are bitches” in your last Fever email will really help you win the female vote for homecoming king.

Dear Lenoir: Why don’t you just use the leftover brownies as replacements for all the stolen bricks? #budgetcuts

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’