v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the students in my organic chemistry class that made 90s on the test: Tell me your secret, because the standard deviation was higher than my grade.
To the guy listening to Rihanna’s “We Found Love”: Yes, the UL at 7 a.m. is a hopeless place. I don’t think there’s any love here, though.
If you require a cover page, professor, I require ten cents.
To the girl wearing wrapping paper as a shirt on the P2P Friday night: No classy Christmas parties for you this year, huh?
To all girls on campus: If you actually stop fantasizing about the perfect Korean guy, you might actually find some real people worth your while.
Don’t worry Heels, it is only a matter of time before Calipari invalidates that win as well.
To the hottie grad student in the DeSimone Lab: My friends and I think you’re a stud, and with the semester ending we’d like you to take a break and explore your chemistry with us.
Define misdirected participation: Spending half a lecture spaced-out, mentally editing a kvetch.
The library during exams = the gym after New Years.
Chance of a few rain showers this week? I’ll risk it. It’s not worth putting the campus on lockdown so that I can carry around my full-size comic book umbrella.
To the girl in Number Theory who insists on reading the kvetches aloud EVERY Friday: #annoyed
If Tim Tebow had a thought, would it be called a Christian Ponder?
To the couple loudly discussing whether or not to cheat in Davis: Bet you didn’t realize the Attorney General was sitting next to you. See you soon!
Oh, so that’s why all the people are camped outside Cameron Indoor Stadium — the Occupy Duke Basketball Movement.
Rams Head: Cockroaches in the dining hall are not what I meant by Meatless Mondays.
To the guy yelling into his phone “Man, what gives you the confidence to get all up in my baby-momma s***!?”: What gives YOU the confidence to have this conversation in the middle of Stadium Drive?
To the kid in Davis stressing about the Monday crossword puzzle: Can I have your exam schedule?
To all those criticizing the basketball team: There’s a reason they’re on the court and not you. Go’n witcha bad self, b-ball team.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
email@example.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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