v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Poli professor, when teaching about the Rwandan Genocide in the future, don’t say that you’re “butchering” the pronunciation.
Thanks, Wikipedia, for making it acceptable to black out on a Wednesday.
Dear Professor, sorry the paper I just submitted says “DON’T FORGET A TITLE THIS TIME, STUPID” on top. Just skip that part. Sincerely, my life is a joke.
Hey professor, the Facebook profile picture of you in a bikini is public. Are you tenured?
What’s worse than being a ginger, having a girl turn you down and question your manhood in a newspaper? Not having a soul.
That awkward moment when you realize that you use that phrase to describe almost every situation and are in desperate need of a thesaurus to expand your vocabulary.
To the loud typer sitting beside me in Econ 101, I’m considering the opportunity cost of throwing your Lenovo on the floor.
Dear UNC, Can we just go ahead and call James Michael McAdoo “The Big Mac” please? It would make this fatty happy.
To the girls walking around campus in UGG boots and track shorts in the middle of winter: STOP IT. You look like a cold mess.
Dear Obama, How about we redirect the Keystone pipeline to my dorm room?
China is already whooping us in the world economy, do we really need to rub it in by putting Asian studies in a building called “New West”?
To the girl who tried to unlock my Volvo outside Campus Health while I tried to unlock hers: This is a first-world problem, my friend.
Sorry, but does anyone actually know what Reddit is?
Roy Williams is always on my case for leaving early to beat the traffic, but when he does it, it’s okay?
To the classmate who stated that there are “30 or 40 days in a month”: I’m pretty sure you’re missing four or five lobes in your brain.
Am I the only one who thinks Kendall Marshall looks like Drake?
Fact: If you are consistently noticing articles of clothing worn by “hipsters” that you too own, you yourself are a”hipster.”
Blue Steel: Don’t worry, the rest of the student body won’t abandon you.
Girl in my diversity class: I hate to undermine your “unique disdain for prejudice,” but everyone here feels the same way.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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