v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Dear Chalkers of Chapman, what is your purpose in life?
To our downstairs neighbor: Your loud sex has become a favorite drinking game for everyone on the floor above you: faked O = 1 shot.
To all the people who cough and sneeze in the open air, have you not seen Contagion?
To the cute guy who helped me with the crossword puzzle on Thursday: What kind of clue can I give you to get your number?
That awkward moment when someone accuses you of being a hipster and you’re wearing a tacky alpaca sweater and eating tofu with kale.
“If you take the feminist approach rather than straight economics with supply and demand theory…” Yeah, you’ll come up with a different explanation.
To Whitney Houston, way to steal Rameses’s thunder…
Dear DTH, I wish your front page from last Friday was actually about the cookies featured on it. Love, Liz Lemon.
My Valentine’s Day motto: (said best by Andre 300) “bitches got the rabies.”
To the guy singing and dancing to Whitney Houston while running. I saw you, I heard you, and I will always love you too.
Realizing that you are experiencing cognitive dissonance about googling Tyler Zeller’s newly acquired facial hair. #psychmajorproblems
Well it’s about time someone showed the squirrels who’s boss. To the bloodthirsty hawk by Lenoir: CA-CAW!
Girl beside me in Bio lecture, you could have stopped at half the bottle of perfume, but thats ok, I didnt really need to breath the rest of the day anyway…
That awkward moment when your Chinese teacher tries to explain the meaning of “tight” by typing it into Google search, then clicks on the urbandictionary.com link for a visual example.
To the drunk girl who barged into my room at 3:30 a.m.: Don’t even worry about it. The cupcakes and quintessential college anecdote make up for the fact that you peed on my shoes.
To the creeper stalking freshmen sorority girls on Facebook in a large lecture class: I’m genuinely concerned for their safety.
Artisitic? Achille’s? Who was spell-checking on Wednesday?
Congratulations BOE. You’ve successfully mandated a literacy test to vote at UNC.
To the guy who ran off with the Pit Preacher’s chair in the quad on Tuesday before being tackled, you just reserved your seat in the hellfire!
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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