Kvetching Board for Aug. 31, 2012

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Nothing says welcome back to Franklin Street like seeing a guy take a dump outside Subway in broad daylight.

To the guy in the Pit asking for a swipe into Lenoir: It’s too early in the semester for that. Also, I saw you up there yesterday. And today.

Magic Mike showing at the Varsity the same week as No Booze, No Boys begins. Coincidence?

This kvetch is dedicated to all the intelligent, brave souls with the courage to open the other half of the double door when a huge class gets out. Thank you for your sacrifice.

To the moron who unplugged the jukebox at late night because he didn’t like the song I chose: I’d hate to be your grandma on life support.

To the drunk guy I kissed on Saturday night: That was my first kiss. It was awful. Thanks for letting me get that out of the way!

DTH: After humiliating me with an unusually hard Wednesday crossword, thanks for prolonging my shame by running it again the next day.

Can we all just take a moment to honor the patience of a girl whose roommate showed up with a squirrel for two days?

To the girl reapplying her makeup in the bathroom of Dey Hall: Honey, it’s 85 and humid. Don’t even try.

To the frat star that has ‘accidentally’ dropped his towel in front of me twice in one week: Just cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to see that little thing. Kthxbye.

To the guy with the huge, perfectly styled afro: You are like the most well-known freshman on campus; anyone who’s anyone recognizes you and your conspicuous coiffure.

To the upperclassman making fun of freshmen trying to find a table at Lenoir, I bet that table for one isn’t hard to find.

To the girl announcing she showered at DKE last weekend: Get a dictionary and look up the definition of ‘accomplishment’ … You’ll find that isn’t one.

To my roommate who beat me to doing it on the kitchen counter: You may have won the battle, but you haven’t won the war.

To the freshman napping in the UL for 3 hours during the first full week of class: It’s gonna be a long semester, buddy.

Shoutout to the girl in the UL who just shut down the cute couple whispering sweet nothings to each other. I kick puppies for fun myself.

Who do I have to blow to get Jamba Juice back?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’