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The Daily Tar Heel

Kvetching Board for Sept. 7, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

To the guy who walked in on me taking a dump in the Union while I was on my laptop, I thought I locked the door and I wasn’t masturbating. I promise!

To my fellow art history majors: there is no need to begin your comments with “this may be a stretch.” Be honest and just accept that our whole major is somewhat of a stretch.

To all the frattys at Phi Gam howling obscene sexual comments at the sorority girls across the street: Congratulations! You just made No Booze, No Boys a whole lot easier!

Freshmen, here’s the first rule about class listservs: don’t use class listservs.

Obligatory kvetch about first-years still wearing lanyards.

To the fat bearded ginger man who spooned me the other night, thank you for the greatest pleasure of my life.

To the girl who explained what dance marathon was to our class full of seniors, thanks. I never noticed you guys the last three years in the Pit.

To whoever chose to put the B-school where it is: throw yourself off the skywalk.

To the girl whose OneCard I found on the ground last year: I’m in love with you but I never see you around campus anymore. Please come out more so I can ask you out.

To the boys who brought two unicycles and a giant gong to the flooded pit Monday night: you gave Cirque de Soleil a run for their money.

To the girl on campus claiming everyone’s received an unsolicited dick pic by now — which Instagram filter would you prefer for mine?

Hey UNC, flushing my money down the toilet might be easier than taking the effort to turn on the sprinklers while it’s pouring out.

In case anyone forgot, Fergie is still 996 years ahead of us in coolness.

The sorority rushees just put on a wet t-shirt contest walking past Fetzer; but as a spectator, I think I won.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’

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