v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Thanks, Alert Carolina, for telling me about a campus assault three hours after it was reported. I feel prepared.
To the blonde driving a Jeep with a “Burr for Senate” sticker on the back: Be my Nancy Reagan?
To the middle school tour kid in a dOOk hoodie, douchey sunglasses and a backward cap: I WOULD say you’re doing it wrong, but in this case, you aren’t.
To the guy in my chemistry class: We used to think that you were always high in class, but the fact that you left class without your backpack shows that you’re just plain stupid.
To the guys offering free advice in the quad: It was worth every penny.
To the pick-up driving, camo-wearing rednecks who asked if they were on N.C. State’s campus: Good luck in your State classes next year.
If you’re having schedule problems I feel bad for you, son. I’ve got 99 hours, but a lab ain’t one.
Dear Student Congress: Your job approval rating is worse than the U.S. Congress’ all-time low of 10 percent.
To the girl in Student Stores who said that if she worked at a boutique, she would be nice to people “even, like, dressed, like, hobos” — you’re a brave model of compassion we should all live up to.
To the guy I smiled at while crossing Franklin Street yesterday: Marry me? Yes: smile, No: backflip.
After attending the UVa. game, I can now say with full certainty: Even the most attractive frat star cannot pull off bright orange pants.
To the guy in cargo shorts lapping me on the track at Rams: YOU’RE WEARING CARGO SHORTS, IT DOESN’T COUNT.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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