v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
Genome Sciences Building: Making seniors feel like first-years since 2012.
To the person who found my wallet in the Hanes Art Center Library and immediately turned it in, contents and all: Thank you and can I hug you?!
To the noisy mouth-breather who invaded the meditation room: I will find you, and I will remove your sinuses with my foot.
To my fellow seniors: Can everyone please stop saying “last?”
To the anarchists in Lenoir: Can you lead the proletariat to cut your hair somewhere else?
To the guy with Old Bay seasoning in his jacket pocket: I hope that something you’re planning to spice up is my life.
To everyone going to the second floor of any building: Stay away from the elevator. It’s like taking a car to get to class.
To the driver who almost T-boned us last night: Thanks for reminding us why they make diapers for adults.
After years of research, Hanes Hall is the only place on campus to poop. Sincerely, a graduating senior.
Dear BIOL 202 recitation partner, your smile makes me want to induce your repressed structural genes.
Lenoir at lunchtime could never be in Les Mis because then “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” would be a lie.
Seriously, this whole, “Hello, my name is so-and-so,” thing on syllabus day is starting to sound a lot like I should be in an AA meeting.
It was good. Pretty relaxing? How was yours?
Dear guy who looks like Lord Elrond, your hair is gorgeous. Let’s go get deep conditioning treatments together. Yours, the Lady of the Golden Wood.
Tar Heel Makeout: Another reminder that I am forever alone.
To the person who threw an orange at me walking out of late night: You should get new friends. They ratted you out way too fast when I called you out on it.
To the girl who filled her whole water bottle at the Old Well on FDOC: I feel you.
I feel bad for whoever has to clean the restrooms in Davis Library. They make Waffle House restrooms look pristine.
Wore a skirt in celebration of the warm weather in January. Instantly reminded how much middle-aged men love it when girls my age wear skirts.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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