Kvetching Board for Feb. 22, 2012

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Ethical dilemma: If I gave up soda for Lent, can I still use my coke-flavored condom?

Complaining about Will Lindsey not winning SBP cause he’s Greek, when the last two SBPs have been Greek? TFM.

You know you go to Carolina when you have so much work to do that you consider taking a 10-minute shower at 2 a.m. a “fun break.”

To the girl in the risers who asked, “Who is that?” at the Virginia game: That would be Tyler Hansbrough. Do you even go here?

Wait, if we just elected a Brit as SBP, then what was the purpose of the Revolutionary War?

To the guy smoking weed in the bathroom stall in Bingham at 5:30 on a Wednesday, are we still in high school?

Spring Break is like Topo when the lights come on. Everybody’s young and wild and free. And not as skinny as you thought

The Carolina Way: When we’re all saddened more by our star running back leaving than our chancellor leaving.

I consider it a victory when there are more than two clean bathroom stalls in all of Davis.

Let’s be real, we’re all going to miss Thorp, but we’re all really going to miss Patti’s dancing at basketball games.

That awkward moment when you press the eighth floor button at Davis and feel judged for it.

To the boy wearing the same rainbow striped sweater every time I see you: Please be my knight in hipster armor.

Pretty sure my odds of winning basketball tickets are equal to my odds of winning the Powerball.

To my ex-girlfriend who doesn’t believe cargo shorts are an acceptable fashion choice: Neither are your granny panties.

To the girl who said she was giving up “all food” for Lent: That’s called anorexia.

UNC housing: Thanks for the email explaining the complicated concept that 13:30 means 1:30. And here I was looking for the 13 on my watch.

To the girl holding the “We don’t think you’re going to hell. Have a nice day” poster in the Pit: Why stoop to their level?

To the couple in my bio class: Please stop caressing each other while we’re learning about animals having sex. It’s weirding me out.

Every time I go to the dining hall, I have to suppress the urge to shout “Swiper: No swiping!” when I hand over my OneCard.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’