v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
So we send our solid waste to Durham and they send us their criminals? Seems like a fair trade to me.
To the guy in my music class picking Duke to win it all: I hope you choke on a stale marshmallow.
To all my friends who weren’t eating in preparation for spring break: You literally only lost weight in your boobs. #suckstosuck
Gary Birdsong: making sure there’s one thing to hate about beautiful spring days since 1982.
Frat boys: Nobody gets a chubbie when you wear your Chubbies.
To the professor in the knee-length purple blazer outside Greenlaw: Why so serious?
To the person in Davis who bought the vending machine tuna: Thank you for making everyone within 100 feet want to vomit.
To my roommate’s troll of a boyfriend who won’t move out of our room: Wingardium Leviosa!
Every time that I watch Marcus Paige play on the court I feel like I’m watching the 2002 cinema classic “Like Mike.”
So is “DPS took my homework” a valid excuse?
Just got my free Kildare’s appetizer coupon in my inbox. Well played, universe.
Dear yoga pants: Thank you.
To the giant raccoon I saw outside the Student Stores struggling to carry half a pizza in its mouth: Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.
To the barefoot student walking from the Pit to Davis: I hope you find a book on hookworms and read it.
To the the hungover frat star who came in to my POLI 150 class 10 minutes late and in a green polo: “Top O’ the mornin’ to ya!”
To my dance partner: How about next time I teach you how to shag?
As a woman sitting in the back of lecture watching the NCAA live stream, I think its fair to judge the fact that none of the men are watching. Seriously? Represent.
It seems like the dining halls either serve nothing that I want to eat or all of my favorites at once.
When Dick Vitale says Carolina should have gotten points, you know the refs are crap.
To all the overweight men who think they look cool with a shaved head: You look like Mr. Potato Head from the back.
To the rude Davis smoker: Not only am I annoying you about your smoking, I am also the grader for one of your classes. Enjoy the rest of the semester.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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