Kvetching Board for Sept. 13, 2013

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Pro tip: When talking about compromises in abortion legislation, try to avoid using the phrase “split the baby.”

People call me Macklemore in class ’cause I’m always like, “what what what what what what what what?”

Dear athletes, as if your bodies don’t make us feel subpar to begin with, do you really have to look like walking Nike ads? We know who you are, stop rubbing it in.

To the girl in my Policy 101 class who asked, “Is Dean Smith the head of the School of Government?” Go home. You’re drunk.

Hey neighbor, congrats on the sex! Now if you could just ask your girl to moan a little quieter that would be fantastic.

To my housemates: I’m sorry for using the blender as your alarm clock when I made a smoothie on Saturday morning. I guess I just don’t blend in here.

So a GDI criticized the Greek system, and a Zeta blindly defended it? I’m stunned.

To all you walk-of-shamers: Can we update that colloquialism to the get-laid parade?

To the fine female and her BAMF gray dog swimming in the fountain on campus: I wasn’t lying when I said I’d be right back with some PBR and a raft. Where’d you go?

To the DTH opinion writers: jokes about sarin gas are the definition of “too soon.”

A note for all the dudes who casually wear vests: I don’t know what look you’re going for, but a vest is not the answer.

Just saw Brice go into the UL. So either the basketball players actually have work this year, or the UL is the on-campus cash drop-site.

To the bottom of Lenoir: Cherry-flavored soda is NOT the same as Cheerwine. You are in the wrong state for that nonsense.

To the cute black guy with the camo UNC hat and nautical pants, you make me want to get naughty.

To the pack of girls howling like a pack of wolves outside the SRC on Monday night: The Mars rover called to say it got your message.

For a top-tier research university, we sure do struggle with getting two escalators to work at the same time in the same building. I’m looking at you, Lenoir.

To Wendy’s at the Student Union: Your “sweet” tea is trying to tell you something. It’s saying “Pour Some Sugar On Me.”

The new American flag N.C. State helmet joins a prestigious group of things the Wolfpack has copied from the real school of North Carolina …

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’