v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To all the folks in my Tuesday/Thursday class that had to listen to my hiccups for an hour and 15 minutes: I’m sorry. Trust me, I annoyed myself.
To the Wilson second-floor bathrooms: Your formaldehyde fragrance is a biweekly reminder of why not studying science was the best decision I ever made.
You’re such a first-year when you think the CCI printing monitor is touchscreen.
Thank God recruitment is over. #YesBoozeYesBoys
To the impatient girl waiting in the bathroom in Graham Memorial: I have food poisoning. There is absolutely no way you want me to be finished more than I do.
That awkward moment when your JOMC 101 professor points out the “segregated few PC users in a sea of Apple users,” and the only PC users are black.
To the Overly Friendly Freshman: Yes, headphones in Lenoir does mean “tap me on the shoulder until I talk to you.” How did you see through my clever ruse?
If it is hypocritical that the College Republicans are protesting reduced funding, it is at the least ironic that an anarchist group accepts funding from a state-sponsored university.
To the guy walking shirtless through the quad on Wednesday: I thought your bod looked good until I saw Joel James directly behind you.
The Genome Science Building: Providing a clean place to poop since 2013.
To the bro who lives in the apartment building behind me: I know it’s Hump Day, but that doesn’t mean you and your girlfriend need to celebrate on your patio.
To the Student Congress-funded UNControllables: Anarchy: You’re doing it wrong.
Freshmen, let me tell you what no one else will: It’s time to get rid of the lanyard.
To my sociology professor who assigned “optional” reading: Don’t worry, I gave my friends the “option” to give me free money and gifts yesterday and no one did that either.
So let me get this straight, Chick-fil-A hates gays and giving out extra sauce now?
To the male foreign exchange student sitting beside me in class: I don’t know how things work in Europe, but sticking your hands down your pants doesn’t work in America. And yes, I totally saw you twice … please stop.
Dear football players, if you move any slower across that crosswalk I’m going to be like South Carolina and run you over.
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.