v.1 (Yiddish) to complain
To the guy beside me in astronomy: Are you from Venus? Because your atmosphere is noxious. Please bathe.
If you have time to play “World of Warcraft” in the library, get the hell out.
To the guy mocking French accents in Lenoir — news flash: “Sombrero” isn’t even a French word. Now who sounds stupid?
To Thursday’s letter writer: Suggesting that other races would break windows, burn cars and riot against the police because they’re mentioned in a kvetch is pretty damn racist.
Reasons to do an honors thesis: You hate fun, you hate sleep and you like drinking while writing.
To the information and library science professor who described signal fires as “low-bandwidth communication” — this is why I love my major.
To the ignorant, privileged white male in my social psychology class who continuously makes racist comments: I would tell you to go to college, but that obviously isn’t working.
Spotted at UNC: Bringing middle school drama back to college since 2013.
To the girl in my electronics class with that foldable bike: Your ass and that bike have something in common: They’re both engineering masterpieces.
To the people shooting firecrackers outside of my window Saturday night: It takes a hell of a lot to wake me up from my NyQuil-induced coma. Also, I don’t particularly like thinking I’m being shot at.
I’m not racist — some of my best friends are kvetched about.
Would someone please explain to me how it’s possible that people are still sneezing and coughing into their hands? C’mon, people, we know better than that.
Replying to the entire email list to ask to be removed from the email list: So 1999.
Anyone notice how everyone feels much more sorry for the Cobb residents than they did for the Granville residents?
To the guy with the cat on the corner of Longview Street: If you would feed me and pet me and brush me like you do your cat, I would be your kitty.
If I spoke as ignorantly about black people, gay people and women as some people talk about veterans, I’d be flogged in the town square.
I am 21 years old, and I eat chicken nuggets and Reese’s Puffs for dinner.
Should I be alarmed that my astrophysics professor doesn’t understand the difference between plural and possessive?
Send your one-to-two sentence entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’
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