The Daily Tar Heel
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Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2023 Newsletters Latest print issue

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The Daily Tar Heel

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

I left my last microbiology class convinced I’m doomed to die of either botulism or rabies. Happy LDOC?

To my Computer Science 101 professor for NEXT SEMESTER: I’m pretty sure emailing students before they even start exams (for the previous semester) violates the Geneva Conventions.

To my fiance who starts finals this week: Save the D for when you get home.

Annoyance with elementary school field trips on campus during finals: A reminder of why college women NEED birth control.

To the girl who swiped me into Rams without even eating: You are a saint.

It’s barely Tuesday and I’ve already received a reminder about the reminders to remember to fill out my course evaluations. How about you just shoot me instead?

To the second-floor Connor singer, ruining people’s afternoon peace since August 2013: Stahp. Mumford is nice, but finals. Seriously.

#FreePJ? How about #YaBlewItPJ for doing something he knew was wrong and putting himself in front of the team.

I want to cry. I miss Reggie.

If watching “How the Grinch Stole Christmas twice in one day is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.” #CindyLouWHOAREYOUTOJUDGE

To my professor who gave me a C for being “too wordy”: Here is my revision: U. R. Shit.

To the girl wearing the Lululemon yoga pants: There was a reason those were recalled. Also, you need a wax.

To the past kvetcher / Leggings are comfortable / Control your penis

Does anyone find it disconcerting for frat court to be bumping Vince Guaraldi?

To the bro who brought a can of spit tobacco and a dip cup to the UL: I’ve never been so repulsed by a dude’s mouth since, well, ever.

UNC women: Stay away from Marcus Paige. We don’t need any more basketball players going to the NBA to support babies.

Sung to the tune of “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton: “Faking my way through work, typing fast, classes pass, almost home bound.”

To my AlwaysInTheRoommate: Even if you have no interest in sex, I do. GTFO once in a while.

To the kid sporting a holiday wreath on your bike handlebars, too soon. It’s finals week. #bahhumbug

Blessed is the Kennedy Meeks, for he shall inherit the Earth.

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