Kvetching Board for January 24, 2014

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Why, by the coiled horns on Ramses’ well-fortified head, are you texting me “Goodnight”?

To the girl complaining about the lack of straight men at the Thrill: Super Stir Sunday probably isn’t for you.

Denzel Washington stars in the incredible true story of the UNC football team, “Remember the Alphabet.”

To the woman who rolled down her car window on Franklin Street to ask me where the Victoria’s Secret was … just no.

To my less-than-tech-savvy professor: Are you aware that every time you leave the cursor on the screen during a video, a little part of my soul dies?

Thanks to Medicine, Literature and Culture, I know that what I’ve needed to get through all of my work is “high-velocity transcortical lead therapy”: a bullet to the head.

Winston Howes, if I sign your senior class president petition with my onyen and password will I have to go get it reset at CCI again?

Last Friday’s date was January 17, 2014, not “Tuesday, September 3, 2013.” Go home, DTH — you’re drunk.

Dear Russian literature honors thesis: Is it just a coincidence that the morning after a long night spent working on you, I feel like I’m hungover from too many vodka shots?

It looks like my Febreze finally really “eliminates odors and Freshens” — so will my can of Oust bring back Jamba Juice?

Shoutout to this guy who just pulled out an iHome from his bookbag to charge his phone.

To the guy sleeping in the chair next to me: You fart in your sleep. Sincerely, Take your snooze toots somewhere else.

If you are right-handed and make the choice to sit in a lefty desk, you’re a special kind of evil.

To my professor celebrating a kvetch post: Is that where my tuition dollars are going?

Crying inside at the idea of chanting “You can’t win here” to Clemson with the season we’re having so far. TO THE STREAK!

Some advice for the men’s basketball team: While you’re learning to read, pay special attention to the letters “NIT.” You’ll be seeing them a lot in late March.

To the girl outside the UL making a lactation joke: your punchline wasn’t very funny, but you might as well milk it for all it’s worth.

Every year, Mother Nature tries to discourage zealous campaigners with a cold snap during petition week…why don’t they take the hint?!?!?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com,subject line ‘kvetch.’