Kvetching Board for March 7, 2014

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

This weather is like a final $&@# you before spring break.

College-aged students engage in binge drinking. And in other BREAKING NEWS, water is wet.

To the shirtless man in his truck, windows down in 40 degrees, blasting “Wrecking Ball” on East Cameron as he gently caresses his ink-covered chest and shouts along out of key, WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE DRUGS?

To the girl at McAlister’s, Jesus heard you say you can’t give up boys for Lent.

But really, who planned the Tar Heel 10 Miler for the morning after LDOC? You should question all other decisions you have made in life.

I promise you, the person who doesn’t want to be here is me. Sincerely, your Chem Lab TA.

The Demon Deacons beat the Blue Devils on Ash Wednesday? Huh, maybe I should rethink this whole atheist thing.

To the couple whispering sweet nothings to each other in Davis while literally everyone in their vicinity is cramming for exams, take that ish to the 8th floor.

If Morrison is kicking everyone out at 6 p.m. on Friday, they better have a good reason, like renovations for a better laundry room, consistently working elevators or water slides.

A personal PSA for the UNC basketball team: Make sure you take long showers after the game on Saturday ­— no one wants to spend Spring Break smelling like Dookie.

To everyone complaining about the SJP eviction notices, I’m sorry I shocked you out of your apathy with my activism.

To my professor who pauses during his lectures for us to laugh, it’s not that you aren’t funny — it’s just that we are too tired from studying for your exams to laugh.

However cool you think that smoking cigarettes made you look, e-cigarettes have the equal and opposite effect.

Everybody always complains about Lenoir’s unripe fruit, but I’m more concerned with the kvetchetables.

To all of the seniors who replied all to the “Senior Photo Sessions” email, I’m going to go to Chancellor Folt tomorrow to ask that she withold your diplomas.

I appreciate you, ITS, I really do — but carrying around a laptop that screams UNC-LOANER just makes me a UNC-LONER.

Does giving up studying and exams for lent count as a religious practice?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’