Drew Goins (engineering major — fingers crossed!) and Kelsey Weekman (poultry science major with a minor in professional golf management) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.
You: My best friend goes to N.C. State University. How do I react to his aggressive smack talk before the game this week?
You Asked for It: It’s hard out there for us Carowhiners. We might be 65-32-6 against them in football, but State fans are 9,649-1 against us in being straight-up relentless.
With all our UNCheating, we don’t have time to work up the kind of high-class defenses that spew from PackPride. Slights like “Tarhole,” “Y’all suck” and, well, “Tarhole” again require years of intensive study.
Our cheating scandal might have ended in 2011, but they still have a powerful weapon to use against us — photoshopping pictures of Roy Williams to look like Hitler.
Our advice for you is this: Stick with making a farming joke. It’s the low fruit, we know. We also know that’s a farming joke in itself. We don’t go to class, so give us a break.
You: I think I’m starting to fall for a Wolfpack fan, but I have no idea how to connect with her or what to do for dates.
YAFI: If you’re nervous, start out with what you know. Invite her to campus here. When she comes to UNC, put her at ease and help her transition by swinging by Phillips Hall. In addition to lining up with State’s architectural flair, it shares the same air of desperation.
Eventually, though, you will have to visit North Carolina State University: Where the State Fair Never Ends™.
One important first step is to become acquainted with the school’s campus, because she’ll want to show off the ol’ ranch. Prepare by learning about all the romantic couples spots on State’s campus — like the Brickyard, the Bricklawn, the Brickbricks or Brixx Wood Fired Pizza.
As for dates, you’ve got to be creative. This won’t be her first rodeo.
Go to a drive-in theater with her; show up early, though, so you can share some time together before other students start pulling up in their pickups, tractors and combines for the evening’s screening of “Dumb and Dumber To,” probably.
If it all goes smoothly, you could go for a roll in the literal hay.