Lifeguards of the world: Synchronize the pace clocks, and I will reveal my secrets.
I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life after I graduate, but I reached level 20 on Trivia Crack so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
I’m paying my Carpe Diem fees on a payment plan so I have enough money to spend at bars.
As a graduating senior English major taking an intro programming class, I can confidently say that I have never been more out of place in my entire college career. Why am I doing this to myself?
Dear student: Either you are scratching a private spot or texting. Regardless of which it is, you shouldn’t do it in class. From: Your Spanish professor.
Is anyone going to say anything about the Mediterranean food cartel’s gradual takeover of Franklin Street? No?
This morning I’ve walked past a shattered bottle of vodka and two crumbled dining hall cookies just lying on the bricks. Someone must’ve had a rough night.
Couldn’t we just go with a squeaky clean defensive coordinator?
Has anyone actually ever met jmpender? Seems like he might be an interesting person.
Hey, UNC, accept my transfer credits so I don’t lose a year of academic standing.
I hate that rush week ended. Another crop of honey bunnies are off the market.
To the jerk who almost hit us in her Jeep on Rosemary, go wreck yourself (but not really — drive safer).
To the second jerk texting in her car who almost hit us on Rosemary, I hope your snapchat got screenshotted.
To the J-school, I will not hesitate to report you to the accreditation team until you get new chairs for the basement classrooms.
Send your one-to-two ?sentence entries to ?firstname.lastname@example.org, subject line ‘kvetch.’