Quickhits for Feb. 19, 2015

Lose-lose

Kreyschewizzle-ville takes the worst parts of camping and deprives its inhabitants of its physical rewards and natural beauty. This is in keeping with Dook in general, which takes the worst parts of Ivy League schools and deprives its students of the satisfaction and respect of attending a school people actually admire.

Duke for Dean

It’s not often that you’ll catch a UNC fan approving of a navy blue shirt emblazoned with a four-letter word. But if those letters spell D-E-A-N, it gets the nod. Chapel Hill-based streetwear company Thrill City worked with Duke grad Aaron Kirschenfeld on the shirt, and the profits will go to the Inter-Faith Council.

Sore winner

Yeah, OK, so Coach K has 1,000 wins. If only winning basketball games made you a good person, right? Unfortunately, Coach K remains a categorically awful person. Whether he’s swearing at student reporters, intimidating his players or shilling for ugly cars, it’s clear he’s sold his soul to the devil.

Chapel Hill Transit

Despite the icy weather, UNC’s basketball team managed to make it to Durham Wednesday. This news came to the surprise of Dook fans everywhere, who, despite being almost uniformly from snowy New Jersey, have been insisting all year that no one should ever be expected to drive eight miles in the snow.

What's in a name?

This is totally arbitrary and unfair, but Dook’s players have some wack names. “Justise Winslow.” “Grayson Allen.” “Nick Pagliuca.” And, lest we become inured to its decades-long presence on the Duke roster, what kind of name is “Plumlee?” They all sound like rejected character names from Downton Abbey.

The real devils

This goes out to the Board of Governors, which announced Wednesday it’d recommend the closure of UNC’s privately funded Center on Poverty, Work and Opportunity, again failing to provide an explanation for its actions. Today, the BOG can claim the honor of being scummier than Duke.