The Daily Tar Heel

Serving the students and the University community since 1893

Monday June 27th

You Asked for It: In which we atone for missed birthdays and kick the bucket (list)

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FRANK Rubbish to Runway Trashion Show

Drew Goins (Neil Patrick Harris’ body double for that underwear bit) and Kelsey Weekman (Bandicoot Lingersnatch) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.

You: I forgot to post an Instagram collage for my best friend’s birthday. How do I make it up to her?

YAFI: Forgetting a birthday social media post is the cardinal sin of friendship. It makes you the personification of the much-maligned Toaster filter.

You can move past it. We can’t all be the Leslie Knope of birthdays, but we should always treat our best friends like the noble, poetic land mermaids they are.

Choose one simple picture of the two of you that is flattering of her but unflattering of you to atone for your wrongdoing. Add a black and white filter for maximum melancholy and douse the caption with miserable emojis like the skull, the syringe and the one that looks like Squidward’s house.

If you’ve already missed the boat for Throwback Thursday or Flashback Friday, go for Sorry I Suck Saturday or Self-Loathing Sunday.

If you’ve already ‘grammed once today, slide your bestie’s name into John Travolta’s Oscar presentation cue cards for next year.

You: I’m a senior, but I still have so much left on my UNC bucket list! How do I speed the process up?

YAFI: With February coming to an end, seniors are more touchy about graduation these days than John Travolta was with Idina Menzel’s face at the Oscars.

If you’re only a waffle or two short of completing Ye Olde Buckete Liste, you’ve got nothing to worry about. But if you’re less than halfway there, you’ve got a better shot at winning an intramural wallyball T-shirt.

But you can still maximize your remaining time by combining popular items. Streak through a Clef Hangers concert or campus tour.

Take Gary the Pit Preacher to a star show at Morehead Planetarium and argue with him the whole time about whether it’s sinful for a woman to operate a telescope.

If you’re ready to make a last-ditch effort for more time, go for the ever-popular midnight trip to Gimghoul Castle. If you make it out, that’s one more check mark, and if you die, you can spend eternity wandering the streets of UNC as a ghost, eating Merritt’s BLTs and falling asleep on a Graham Memorial couch. It’s a win-win situation.



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