Drew Goins (April Fools!) and Kelsey Weekman (new haircut) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.
You: April Fools’ Day is coming up and I’m not prepared. Help!
YAFI: If you’re in a pinch, you can always go in for the classic switcheroo prank. Refill your friend’s toothpaste tube with frosting, swap his cream-filled doughnuts with mayonnaise-piped Krispy Kremes or save over his final honors thesis document with a PDF of the script of “Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams.”
Put a friend’s phone number on a “single and ready to mingle” flyer that you distribute around campus if you want said friend to discover just how depraved anonymous Tar Heels can get with their emoji usage.
Just keep in mind Wednesday that while you might not be prepared, UNC’s second-finest news source (RIP The Minor), The Daily Tar Heel, certainly is. Look out for the story when we finally reveal that the academic-athletic scandal was really just one long, silly-billy prank!
Also, as is tradition, we’ll still be out along the paths on your way to class, passing out papers and doughnuts filled with... cream. Definitely cream. There’s no reason you should second-guess any food given to you by a stranger on the quad. Unless it’s that guy dressed as Hinton James. Never trust a man in pantaloons.
You: I hate April Fools’ Day. How do I avoid getting involved in any shenanigans?
YAFI: You could skip class, but you can’t be fully safe anywhere. April Fools’ is the only day of the year all college students have the same vengeful energy the nerds do during Humans vs. Zombies. And you’ve already used your excused absence to see if that Ben & Jerry’s cart was for real.
Embrace the pranks people play on you. If someone steals your clothes while you’re in the shower (or when you’ve jumped in the lake after losing a game of poker at all-girls summer camp), just run to the nearest economics class. If a baby powder-filled blow dryer leaves you with a stark white face, just hit up a problematic geisha-themed sorority mixer!
You’re gonna run into some impish skullduggery at some point during the day. Just grin and bear it. You’ve only got two weeks left to go until you can live it up on Tax Day, gramps.