The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Friday, March 29, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel

Column: Trevor’s debut and farewell on the Opinion Page

I love the fluidity of devotion in college.

People change, rapidly and with conviction, finding things to call themselves and be. We have all these options after the middle and high school identities of nerd, jock or big fat weird nerd (that was me!). And so we become Carrboro kids, or the people that skateboard or post-nerd trying to pull off flannel shirts (me again!). That idea inspired an unwritten editorial.

I wanted to serialize the life of a first year from Charlotte named Trevor. Each week Trevor would become entrenched in a new community on campus and through his journey we could talk about issues here.

Unfortunately, I joined a new group — people coasting through senior year — and did not make time to write it. But I thought I could muster up a taste of it for my final piece.

My favorite idea was called “Trevor Learns About the North Carolina GOP.” I do not have much space, so I am going to quickly skip to the scene when he meets the final foe.

For context, Trevor discovered a series of tunnels underneath Carolina Hall that connect great Republicans throughout the state. He defeated the Board of Governors (using the secret riddle hidden in the memos of Tom Ross) and Gov. Pat McCrory (letting him destroy himself by asking his opinion on key issues).

He is now at the end of the cave.

A chill cut across his neck. Shrouded in complete blackness, something ahead asserted its presence with a great and easy force. Rustling with its weight, the darkness spoke.

“You can take down the people, but we’re still here, boy,” it laughed. “You can’t kill the money. You can’t kill the establishment!”

Then with substantial heft, moving the ground with each step, a bulking, inflated and fleshy beast emerged from the opaque. Bloated and filled, its body seemed to be spilling something on the ground.

Trevor looked closer and saw dollar bills coming off the giant oily monster like sweat, or maybe even blood.

And before him was Art Pope, grotesque and looming.

“You might as well just take the money instead of fighting,” it said, echoing. “All the others have, and all the others will.”

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.