Family weekend is fast approaching, and with it comes the looming promise of a family meal. Don't worry, we have a handy list so that determining the restaurant of choice requires minimal effort.
IF YOUR PARENTS LOVE YOU:
Al’s Burger Shack
Your parents adore you and adore themselves. They have gifted you with ambrosia and shown you a path to paradise. Reminiscent of a roadside burger shack, Al’s specializes in quality burgers and has the awards to show for it.
Pros: The best burgers in town.
Cons: Few vegetarian options, limited seating compared to the
Your parents are obscenely rich, and they’ve been planning their special visit for months.
Pros: Voted one of America’s top 50 restaurants, and the chef/owner has won a James Beard Award.
Cons: To eat there you need to be richer than God.
Your parents, like Garfield, love Italian food. 411 West features great Italian food for high prices.
Pros: A comfortable atmosphere, friendly wait staff, and lasagna.
Cons: Not a ton of vegetarian options, bad parking.
IF YOUR PARENTS ARE OK WITH WHAT’S HAPPENING:
Your parents do their best. They might not really understand what you’re majoring in, but they’re determined to support you anyway.
Pros: Their menu’s a little bit of everything. PLUS: they have caricatures on their walls.
Cons: Best at nothing.
Your parents think they’re more hip than they actually are, but they’re probably pretty cool anyway.
Pros: Chili cheese fries and Cheerwine milkshakes.
Cons: It’s not Al’s, and the veggie burgers are mediocre.
IF YOUR PARENTS WANT YOU OUT:
Your parents love you, but they’re letting you know you’re on your own. The food is good, but the food is cheap — a necessary stepping stone on the path to understanding how to manage money and still get out of the dining halls every so often. Kurama is a comfy sushi place and one of the few local sources of green tea
Pros: Cheap, great food for the price.
Cons: Uncomfortable seating.
Your parents don’t care that you enjoy the food they get you or that’s it particularly healthy for you, but they bother faking a familial bond and take you to what is, strictly speaking, a real restaurant.
Pros: Every meal from here on out feels like a gift, and it’s extremely cheap.
Cons: Every meal from here on out feels like a gift.
The Subway in Rams Head Market
Your parents might actively hate you.
Pros: It’s close to South Campus dorms, so first-years don’t have to walk far.
Cons: Literally everything else.
IF YOU WERE RAISED ON A COMMUNE BEFORE YOU DEVELOPED OBJECT PERMANENCE AND DON’T KNOW YOUR PARENTS:
Tons of vegetarian, vegan and gluten-free options (and a pet-friendly setup) make this the perfect restaurant for the person left on the doorstep of an eco-commune before they were old enough to develop object permanence.
Pros: Delicious food that can suit a wide variety of diets.
Cons: YOU WILL MISS YOUR DOG BY THE TIME YOU’RE DONE EATING.
Happy Family Weekend!
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