The Daily Tar Heel

Serving the students and the University community since 1893

Sunday January 17th

How Jimmy Neutron predicted the 2016 election

<p></p>

Tomorrow, it all ends — the year and a half of campaigning, constant media coverage and bickering between adults all finally ends tomorrow.

This campaign cycle has been riddled with scandalous rumors and conspiracies, childish behavior, plenty of attack ads from both sides and gaffe, after gaffe, after gaffe. 

It’s hard for all of us new voters not to think, “What the hell are we looking at?”

This election is unlike anything we’ve ever seen before — or is it?

Jimmy Neutron prepared us for this.

Yes, Jimmy Neutron, the cartoon character with the big head and robotic dog from the Nickelodeon classic, “The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius.” 

If you watched as much as I did, you’ll recall that he prepared us for this moment. 

In the Nov. 11, 2003 episode titled “Jimmy For President,” a similar election of epic proportions was held.  

The class president position at Lindbergh Elementary School was up for grabs, and four candidates — Jimmy Neutron, Sheen Estevez, Libby Folfax and Bolbi Stroganovsky — passionately battled for the title.  

Each candidate had their own personality, their own flair and their own campaign — and it’s just like what we’re seeing now.

Jimmy Neutron is Jill Stein

Jill Stein, the Green Party candidate, is a fervent lover of science who's behind in the polls — hovering at around 2 percent. (Sorry, Jill, I’m just stating facts.)  

Her campaign strongly pushes for a free college education, making the youth of America a prime target for garnering support.

Jimmy Neutron is a perfect match. He’s a boy genius, after all. Science is in his blood.

He is also behind in the polls, even struggling to garner the support from his best friend Carl Wheezer. 

He also pushes to get the support of the youth by blasting free gum and “Purple Flurp” from a zeppelin at the school’s voting site. 

Sheen is Donald Trump

Sheen’s last name is Estevez, and Trump doesn’t have the brightest reputation with the Latinx community, but let’s forget that aspect for now. 

Donald Trump is an outspoken, outlandish, loud individual who promises to make America great again. He claims that he represents the average American and has been criticized by some pro-establishment politicians from both major political parties. 

His campaign tactics fluster others, as he’s not afraid to use unflattering photographs to hurt others. And, most of all, his reputation with women is, let’s say, not the greatest. 

Sheen is also an unorthodox, outlandish student who promises to make the school fun through guacamole bars (we know Trump also likes his Mexican food). 

The establishment — in this case, the teacher and principal — also dislikes Sheen. 

Also like Trump, Sheen threatens Carl Wheezer, the poor undecided voter, with the release of unflattering pictures if his vote isn’t cast in Sheen’s favor. 

Most of all, Sheen shares a poor reputation among the women at Lindberg Elementary — he even goes as far as saying that voters shouldn’t support Libby because she’s a girl. 

Libby is Hillary Clinton

This one possibly makes the most sense of all.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is running as the Democratic Party’s nominee, and scandal has muddied her campaign.

Various members of the public accuse her for having secretive, corrupt campaign practices, with the hiring of Debbie Wasserman Schultz — the ex-head of the DNC, who, according to emails acquired by WikiLeaks, pushed the Democratic Party to get Clinton nominated. 

Possibly to draw attention away from said scandals, Hillary has tried to be cool and “hip” for the youth, using various techniques to attract young voters, even grabbing celebrity endorsements along the way.

Libby also seeks to be cool for the kids, starting her speech with music and promising to give the students “15 minutes of funk a day.”

Her campaign practices also draw suspicion from others, as she hires Cindy — who, apparently, was caught cheating in the last class president election — which is very similar to Clinton’s hiring of Wasserman Schultz. 

Adding to the notion of corruption, both Libby and Cindy offer an incentive to Carl to vote for Libby — a dollar.

Bolbi is Gary Johnson

Representing the Libertarian Party, former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson is a silly individual.  

He’s known for his various gaffes and weird phrases, and many people can’t seem to take him seriously. Also, he has some problems with personal space, at least when it comes to mountains.

Bolbi himself is a strange individual. 

He's known for his ability — or lack thereof — to speak, insisting that he can “speech words.” 

Bolbi, like Johnson, has issues with personal space, sneaking up behind the principal to pinch him. 

And, adding to the goofiness that is Bolbi Stroganovsky, he endorses his signature slap dance, which he promises to make a daily part of the students’ lives.

via GIPHY

Thus, the circus that is the 2016 election is not new. Jimmy Neutron prepared us for this event, way back in 2003. 

By no means is this an endorsement or attack on any of the mentioned candidates — this is just a funny observation from somebody who likes to watch cartoons at 3 a.m. 

If this election's outcome is as similar to this episode as its process has been, we end up with Bolbi.

But if you’re down with slap dancing all day, every day, that may not sound so bad after all. 

@themark12

swerve@dailytarheel.com

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.



Comments

The Daily Tar Heel for December 7, 2020

Special Print Edition

Games & Horoscopes

Print Edition Games Archive