It’s crunch time, folks.
Monday’s installment of ABC’s most addictive trash television show, “The Bachelor,” was the most important episode of the season so far — all four contestants took Nick to their hometowns for the one of the biggest steps in any relationship: meeting the ‘rents (and nanny?).
First, let’s back up a few steps.
It was the end of winter break, and my mom wanted to spend a little more time together before I headed back to school. But of course, our hangout time couldn’t get in the way of her sacred program.
Little did I know, watching the premiere with my mom would help me find my newest guilty pleasure.
Next thing I know, I’m in an ESPN-esque fantasy league predicting what ridiculousness will unfold next and my phone is blowing up every Monday night from 8 to 10 p.m. with two different Bachelor group messages.
Anyways, back to business.
So after meeting all four contestant's families, seeing their hometowns and learning about their daily lives, it was clear to me that they each resembled another thing very close to my heart — the ACC schools in North Carolina.
That’s right, when you think about it, each of the final four perfectly represents the four major colleges in North Carolina. It’s uncanny.
Corinne Olympios aka Duke University
Just like Duke is the villain of the ACC/world, Corinne is the villain in “The Bachelor.” Corinne can’t stand not being the center of attention, and believes the whole world should revolve around her.
If she doesn’t have Nick’s full attention, get ready to feel her wrath. Her family is filthy rich and she “runs a multimillion dollar company,” something that those snobby Duke students should be able to relate to pretty easily.
Plus, if you had to pick a school to have a nanny, you know who it would be.
Raven Gates aka N.C. State
This one is pretty simple.
Little ‘ol Raven hails from Hoxie, Arkansas, which very well may be the smallest, most stereotypical country town in the world. I mean, come on, she said they go frogging for fun!
For her idea of a romantic date she took him four-wheeling in a swamp, then they went to have a deep conversation on top of a grain tower. A freakin’ silo! Nothing screams farming in North Carolina more than the Wolfpack, and Raven is this season's southern belle, so it’s a perfect fit.
Rachel Lindsay aka Wake Forest
Wake Forest is that school that kind of gets lost in the shuffle in North Carolina. It’s still a big-time ACC school, but it’s not really a part of the state’s Big Three, much like Rachel.
After starting off hot and getting the first impression rose in episode one, Rachel flew under the radar for the majority of the season’s first half. Wake is a great academic school and Rachel, an attorney, is definitely a smart woman.
Unfortunately, it’s already been revealed that she will be the star of “The Bachelorette” next season. This makes her kind of irrelevant for the rest of this season, pretty much like Wake has always been.
Vanessa Grimaldi aka UNC
Let’s be real, Vanessa is the total package, just like our fine university.
She has been my pick from day one, so I may be biased, but hey, so was UNC. She’s the nicest and most down to earth person on the show. Sound familiar?
She’s been hitting it off with Nick since she threw up on him in space, but that hasn’t set them back at all, because what they have is true (forced) love (TV entertainment).
Vanessa is always keeping it real in the house while all the other lady-testants freak out, just like Carolina is always the cool one among the state’s universities.
If I were a betting man, I’d take Carolina over State in the championship.
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