If UNC landmarks were your stoner friends

Happy 4/20. Maybe you’re a kindred spirit, someone who asks the important questions. The questions that matter. The questions with answers that could shake the bedrock of the universe. Questions like “What type of stoner is each UNC landmark?”

Davis Library

This is the stoner who smokes solely to relieve stress. A career overachiever, breaking out the bong is one of the few moments they aren’t spending studying. You consider them a friend, but you kind of wish they would stop bringing in news of their successes in the real world; you’re here for degeneracy, not more reasons to feel bad about your own life.

Old Well

Old Reliable, your trusty friend, maybe your roommate. They don’t have much of a personality, but they’re always down to smoke: You’re not sure you’ve ever seen them actually go to class.

Wilson Library

Doesn’t actually smoke pot, but is big into opium — They like to keep it classic, like a Romantic poet.

Silent Sam

Probably smokes weed, absolutely an Adderall dealer. He doesn’t need to, but he does it for the ~*aesthetic*~.

Fordham Fountain

Less of a friend and more of an unwelcome guest. Smokes at parties, but absolutely refuses to pay for their own weed.

Forest Theatre

The smoker who fancies themselves a confessional poet if they’re even a little high.

You: “This is some good weed, huh?” Them: “Let me go down on your carpet, / Your straw mattress — whatever’s at hand / Because the child in me is dying, dying.” You: “... OK.”

Bell Tower

An elderly hippie who lives exactly the same lifestyle they did in the ’70s. Probably still owns a Volkswagen and hands out free weed rather than dealing. “It’s not about money,” the Bell Tower probably said. “It’s about keeping kids away from that ditch weed.”

Undergraduate Library

The first-year that’s still learning the ropes. This smoker was tricked into spending $20 on a weed brownie with no weed in it and bragged about it.

Coker Arboretum

This guy doesn’t even go to UNC. He just hangs around and deals.

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