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'American Horror Story: Cult' is fine. Just fine.

“American Horror Story: Cult” left me feeling confused, disgusted and wishing for more cults.

The seventh season of the hit show opens with a montage of footage from the 2016 presidential election, the results being announced to the sobs of Sarah Paulson and the elation of Evan Peters.

Peters’ character, Kai, not only humps the TV, but makes a puffy Cheetos paste in a blender and spreads the Cheetos all over his face in an attempt to look like Donald Trump.

Unfortunately, that’s the least disgusting thing Kai does in this episode.

To harass a group of Hispanics, Kai sings “La Cucaracha” (with the Spanish skills of Justin Bieber) while peeing into a condom. He then throws the pee-filled condom at the group of men.

But the escapades of Kai weren’t as important as what was going on with Paulson’s character, Ally.

Upset about the outcome of the election, Ally’s mental state begins to deteriorate. She is extremely afraid of clowns and suffers from trypophobia, the fear of small holes. 

Ally begins to see clowns wherever she goes. During one trip to the grocery store, she gets chased through the aisles by knife-wielding clowns. When she escapes and gets into her car, there’s a clown sitting in her back seat (of course). Out of fear, she drives into a light pole.

And even though it’s “Cult” and not “Clown,” there are so many clowns. Not only does this gang of clown-mask-wearing people constantly appear, but Twisty, the clown from “American Horror Story: Freak Show,” also makes an appearance. 

I can’t tell if Ryan Murphy came up with this during the clown craze of last year or if he could predict the release of “It.”

Since the cult aspect never appears during this episode, I’m going to make a prediction (and I have some #HardFacts to back it up).

The clown masked people are real, not a product of Ally’s delusions. They are actually a cult, run by Kai, and like Charles Manson and the Family, they are going around killing Kai’s enemies.

After Kai’s motion to suspend police presence is overridden by the Brookfield Heights City Council, Thom Chang, a member of the council and a friend of Ally, becomes an enemy of Kai.

He’s later killed, along with his wife, by the group of clowns. After they kill the couple, one of the clowns draws a symbol (in blood) on the wall — again, very Manson-esque.

Overall, I’m disappointed. 

I’m not the biggest fan of “American Horror Story." I’ve only watched the first season, but I expected more from the new season.

As someone who finds cults to be one of the most interesting things in the world (@ my parents, I promise I’m not going to join one), there was so much potential in this idea. Instead we get a clown-themed, predictable mess.

Ryan Murphy, you can do better.


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