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You: Hey guys! My New Year’s Resolution was to save money, so I’ve decided to eat out less. Do you guys have any good recipes to make at home?
James: Here’s a recipe from the pioneer times.
I gotta tell you how to make it too? You can’t figure it out?
Put bread in toaster, don’t change the settings. I hope you brought a blanket cause the kitchen’s cold.
Take out when finished, put it on a paper towel. If there are no paper towels, countertop is fine.
Squeeze on sriracha (no need to find a clean knife, which is good, cause you don’t have one).
Leave crumbs on counter; slap the bag of bread so it spins and then fold the opening side plastic under the bag so it stays sealed by its own weight. You could put it back in the drawer but you’re not gonna.
Go back to bed.
Perry: When’s the last time you had pudding? For me, it was yesterday. Most people think pudding is something you eat when you’re a kid but never after.
I’m here to set the record straight re: pudding.
Follow this recipe, and it will be like you’re back to being young.
Jell-O® Butterscotch Instant Pudding
Open the box of Jell-O® Butterscotch Instant Pudding and dump its contents into a bowl.
Add in skim milk. You’re probably thinking: “but skim milk is the worst type of milk.” Don’t I know it — it’s what I grew up drinking, so even though it’s basically white-tinted water, it’s going in the bowl!
Stir contents with either a whisk or shrapnel.
Stretch a sheet of plastic wrap over the bowl and refrigerate it for exactly 5 minutes to congeal.
Bored while you wait? Watch the Hillary Clinton “Just Chillin’ in Cedar Rapids” Vine 43 times.
Your Jell-O® Butterscotch Instant Pudding is now ready!