I am all for the #MeToo movement and I understand why high-profile cases of sexual assault and sexual harassment receive all attention in the media — if the subject is well-known, the story affects and concerns a larger audience. But we cannot allow ourselves to discredit or forget the cases that go unheard and unnoticed simply because they have no ties to Hollywood or politics.
According to Georgetown University, more than 70 percent of college students work a part-time job during their time at school. It can only be assumed that a large portion of those jobs are within the restaurant industry, which, unfortunately, is one of the professions where sexual assault and harassment are seen the most. I have worked in four different restaurants with four very different atmospheres. And I can not stress this enough: in most cases, it is not the owner or the restaurant itself that creates such a problem.
First of all, restaurant employees are some of the most diverse in age, qualifications and lifestyles. Most policies allow for employees as young as 16 years old, while there are also adults who spend their careers here. This creates the false idea of equal playing fields; 30-year-old men are able to create relationships with 16-year-old girls without raising any questions. Young, naïve girls begin to view men twice their age as their peers, and with the wrong person, that can be extremely dangerous.
Secondly, restaurant employees are expendable. There are always applicants, and it doesn’t take much skill to receive a job serving food. This makes it difficult to even report sexual harassment; victims fear being fired for stirring up issues at all. Having the money to pay rent trumps the embarrassment and shame that comes with a sexual harassment case.
Lastly, and most universally applicable, the restaurant industry is built on the appearance of front-of-house; the way your servers look has a direct effect on the message you are trying to send through your dining experience. Couldn’t it be assumed, then, that cut-off jean shorts and tank tops worn by every female server would imply a certain message to guests? Management is basically throwing their employees at male customers for higher beer sales. A previous manager of mine would constantly speak about applicants and possible future employees behind their backs: “She was hot, wasn’t she?” he’d say, shoving her LinkedIn profile picture in our faces. I wore a long-sleeve button down to work at that restaurant. No cut-offs, no tight tank-tops. It doesn’t really matter what you wear: the truth is, attractive people make sales because serving comes off as flirting, and in many cases, management only encourages that.
In an industry fueled by the phrase, “the customer is always right,” there is virtually no way of stopping cat-calls, sexism and mistreatment of servers because their satisfaction comes first. Even when management steps in, a customer is merely given a new server, or kindly asked to leave: nothing is actually done to penalize them, because you simply must keep the guests happy. For some reason, it’s a tricky line to establish for guests what constitutes as simple hospitality and what is actual flirtation.
Here’s the issue: this is almost unsolvable. There is no etiquette that must be followed when eating out; the server is there to tend to your needs and if you are a twisted person, that means all of your needs. Management decides how seriously these issues are taken, and every restaurant is different. To all my fellow servers out there, know this: the customer is wrong, a lot, and no job that pays you $2.13/hour is a job worth suffering for. Just as it’s easy to find servers to replace you, it’s easy to find a restaurant that values you. Value yourself, and understand that although the #MeToo movement may center around high-profile cases, you deserve to be heard.
I hear you.
