The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Friday, March 29, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel

To slow walkers, to talkers, 

To crowds and texters alike.

To people who loudly talk on the phone

And people who ride their bikes. 


To people who, on rainy days, 

Carry umbrellas that nearly poke out my eye. 

To people who don’t understand the rules of the road

And always walk on the wrong side. 


Thank you for never watching where you are going

And walking slower than a turtle’s pace. 

Oh, how I love when you step on the backs of my shoes

And let the door slam in my face. 


Oh, the fear — yes, the paralyzing fear

As people on their bikes zip by. 

Because of them I have nearly died 

Too many times to even quantify. 


Traffic jams in Dey Hall, stampedes in Lenoir,

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.

Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still alive.

If it’s this bad when you walk, I can’t help but wonder

What do you do when you drive?


Every day I overhear people talking on the phone 

About their weekend, their homework, their tests. 

And that boy Sarah met at the party last night?

Well, he certainly doesn’t sound like the best. 


Shut up, walk faster, put down your umbrella,

The whole world doesn’t need to hear you talk.

Look where you’re going, not at your phone, 

And please, don’t ride your bike on the sidewalk!


Here’s to the walkers who have made me so bitter

And so angry I thought I might burst. 

Each day as I walk, my belief is confirmed

That people are just the worst.