“I pushed her away because no one’s ever stayed. I was made to be like this.”
Yes, excusing your actions this way will get you sympathy temporarily, but who's to say your hardships outweigh those of the ones you are hurting? This is a touchy subject because I believe in understanding the root of the problem. I believe people hurt others because they’re hurting themselves. The truth is, though, everyone has their shit.
Life is a constant back-and-forth of hurting and thriving, and no person on this earth has lived without taking a few hits. If we all remain fixated on the trauma of our past, too clouded by our own pain to recognize those we are hurting, we will end up alone.
Perhaps it is human nature to believe that what we ourselves go through is exponentially more scarring than the past experiences of others. Perhaps, to some extent, we are built too close-minded to think otherwise.
Regardless, we cannot excuse toxic people for being toxic people solely because they were bullied, they suffered a loss or they had a rough home life. All of those things are horrible, but to grow from them, we must use our experiences as motivation, not a crutch to blame mistakes on.
Because mistakes happen. People get angry, say things they don’t mean and act out aggressively. It’s human nature. Does that mean some of us get free passes because our lives haven’t been perfect? It can’t. We have to take responsibility for the way we treat others, no matter if our demons stem from a place of pain.
Maybe it is because you grew up surrounded by fighting that you’re so quick to pick a fight yourself. Maybe it is because he cheated on you that you can’t stay committed to others. Maybe it is because you were abandoned that you can’t hold on to those who stay for you. Learn from that. Grow from that. Understand how trauma has affected who you are and transform from that into who you want to be. That is how we overcome our hardships. Not by justifying our flaws, but by soaring above them.