We live in a society built on proving whose life has been the most traumatic, using the pain we’ve experienced to excuse hurting others.
What we go through directly shapes us into the people we are; this is inevitable. Every battle brings a lesson, every triumph brings a new desire to achieve more. There are reasons therapy requires endless tapping into the depths of our memory — experiences, especially traumatic ones, leave a mark on our souls.
Problems arise when we use a troubled past to completely justify wrongful behavior, refusing to grow because of the pain. For example, when we lash out and hurt others, does it really matter if we grew up in a home where yelling was typical, or is it more important to apologize for the effects of our actions?
“It isn’t my fault I yelled, it’s only because of my broken home as a child.”
“I cheated on him because I was cheated on. I couldn’t help it.”
“I pushed her away because no one’s ever stayed. I was made to be like this.”
Yes, excusing your actions this way will get you sympathy temporarily, but who's to say your hardships outweigh those of the ones you are hurting? This is a touchy subject because I believe in understanding the root of the problem. I believe people hurt others because they’re hurting themselves. The truth is, though, everyone has their shit.
Life is a constant back-and-forth of hurting and thriving, and no person on this earth has lived without taking a few hits. If we all remain fixated on the trauma of our past, too clouded by our own pain to recognize those we are hurting, we will end up alone.
Perhaps it is human nature to believe that what we ourselves go through is exponentially more scarring than the past experiences of others. Perhaps, to some extent, we are built too close-minded to think otherwise.
