The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Thursday, April 25, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel

Editorial: In need of a chancellor

Our University is currently without both a permanent chancellor and a permanent system president. Along with other major resignations and early retirements within the administration, the University and system are left in limbo. 

Mary Poppins comes to the rescue of the Banks children after a request letter, cruelly dismissed by their father, finds its way up the chimney to the beloved nanny. In the interest of better future leadership, let us hope this note inspired by Jane and Michael makes its way up to a higher power, saving our hapless Board of Governors in the process, just as the original note saved Mr. Banks. Please find a clip of the Banks’ nanny request in 1964’s Mary Poppins, and feel free to sing along:

Wanted, a Chancellor for an adorable historic public University

If you want this choice position 

Have a cheery disposition

Clean of lawsuits and torts.

Rein in fraud, all sports.

You must be kind, you must be witty 

Very smooth yet deep-down gritty

Give all invested parties treats

Be discreet, about tweets

Never be cross or cruel  

Never sacrifice empathy to rule 

Love us as your sons and daughters 

And never smell of barley water (except at donor and sporting events!)

If you won't scold and dominate us 

We will never give you cause to hate us 

Just listen to the students, 

Workers and faculty

And we won’t march on your office

Or wail about your fees

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.

Hurry Chancellor,

Many thanks! 

Sincerely,

Editorial Board