Sources within the chairperson’s office says he is elated to have finally arrived at a solution that will end the discourse surrounding Silent Sam once and for all. “He knows sexism is something the University has struggled with since its inception, so this is a win for sure,” a senior official said.
Smith isn’t the only one celebrating – students, too, have rejoiced in the fact that their anti-Silent Sam lobby has finally paid off. As soon as the decision was made, thousands of students rushed Franklin Street to commemorate a hard-fought victory.
“I’m just really glad they finally listened to us,” said Mary White, Franklin Street rusher and self-proclaimed white feminist. “For me, the problem was never really about racism – I just don’t see color, you know? It was more about the fact that there was a statue of a man on campus instead of a woman.”
Not everyone is pleased with the decision, however. Members of UNC’s College Republicans have expressed their dissent, arguing that the imagery associated with a freestanding female statue promotes the idea that women don’t need a man to be happy. In fact, the leadership of UNC College Republicans has suggested that a statue of a lumberjack be placed alongside Silent Samantha to preserve traditional gender norms.
Yet the College Republicans remain split on the issue, illustrating a larger phenomenon of factionalism that has plagued the organization as of late.
Unlike his peers, token conservative Alex Dent supports the BOG’s decision. “This might be a hot take, but I love women, and I’m glad they finally have a space on this campus,” Dent said in an email to The Daily Tar Heel.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, UNC Young Democrats has a more favorable opinion of the statue. The organization announced they will support the new statue provided Silent Samantha is not carrying a firearm.
"As a woman of color, I finally feel equal to my white counterparts," token minority Mindy Maruf said. "It's a miracle that all systemic oppression on this campus has come to an end. Thanks UNC!"
Editor's note: This editorial is a satirical piece that is not intended to be taken as fact. Happy April Fool's Day!