The Daily Tar Heel
Printing news. Raising hell. Since 1893.
Thursday, March 28, 2024 Newsletters Latest print issue

We keep you informed.

Help us keep going. Donate Today.
The Daily Tar Heel

In anticipation of football coming to Carolina this weekend, we know you all are going to need something light and bubbly to sip on at your tailgates. We also know that many of you are moving away from the classic beer and toward something a little more...refined. 

If you’re a hard seltzer guy, or gal or gender non-confirming person who enjoys the tickle of a La Croix with the kick of a Natty, we’ve got a quiz to guide you to your perfect hard seltzer brand. 

More accurately, this quiz will answer the question, “If I were a hard seltzer brand, which one would I be?” Get your pencils out, strap in and get ready to spend way too much money on alcoholic fizzy water this weekend. 

At the tailgate, you’re most likely to find me:

     a) Talking about how tailgates are a weird social construct

     b) Looking for a glass with ice, I refuse to drink from a can

     c) I’m actually still at home perfecting my outfit

     d) Trying to “ice” my friend

     e) Punching a hole in the wall

I’m probably going to drink ___ hard seltzers at the tailgate.

     a) 2

     b) 3 

     c) 4 

     d) 5

     e) 6

My friends would describe me as: 

     a) An empath

     b) A perfectionist

     c) Bourgeoisie 

     d) “Definitely not gay”

     e) A frat/srat star

To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.

I drink spiked seltzers because:

     a) Social anxiety

     b) I genuinely like the taste

     c) It’s low-calorie 

     d) They ran out of beer

     e) I’m trying to get trashed

My love language is: 

     a) Acts of service

     b) Receiving gifts

     c) Words of affirmation

     d) Quality time

     e) Physical touch

What’s your brand when it comes to relationships?

     a) Close friendships that evolve into a relationship

     b) Plans the second date before the first is over

     c) Anyone GrΣΣk

     d) Dating my high school sweetheart 

     e) “Hi sorry I didn’t save this number.”

My ideal night in is:

     a) Watching a movie...alone...like by myself

     b) Talking through a movie with my friends

     c) I don’t like nights in

     d) Re-watching The Office for the third time

     e) “Just hangin with the dudes, man.”

My parents: 

     a) Love me but don’t “get” me

     b) Give me whatever I want

     c) Come down for game days

     d) Think I can do no wrong

     e) Bailed me out once

My bottom of Lenoir personality is: 

     a) Med Deli

     b) 1.5.0.

     c) Merritt’s

     d) Sushinara

     e) Chick-fil-A

My favorite Chapel Hill bar is: 

     a) Linda’s

     b) Tru

     c) Sup Dogs

     d) He’s Not Here

     e) Might As Well


Answer key: 

If you got mostly...

a), you're Bon & Viv Spiked Seltzer

You’re at the tailgate because your one really perky friend wanted to go, but you reject the cultural implications of American football. You’re artsy but reject the label hipster, might have clear-framed glasses and definitely own overalls. 

b), you're Truly Hard Seltzer

You don’t know if you’re at the tailgate because you want to be or you’re supposed to be. If you’re not in a sorority or frat, a lot of your friends are. You’re ~bubbly~, romantic and definitely make your bed up before you leave in the morning. 

c), you're White Claw Hard Seltzer

You’re at the tailgate with all of your besties because it’s your favorite fall-semester tradition. Your parents set up a tent somewhere, but you’re still at the darty ignoring your mom’s tenth call. You love “the mountains” (read: your mountain house), you’re a great friend and you definitely took a cute Instagram pic at the game. 

d), you're Smirnoff Seltzer

You’re probably holding your hand over the label of the can so that nobody knows you’re drinking seltzer, and you’re at the tailgate because you genuinely enjoy football. You’re quiet when you’re not around your friends, deep down you’re sweet but put on a “too cool” front and we all know you actually like the taste of Smirnoff. 

e), you're Natural Light

We gave you Natty Light because you’re probably not cut out for the seltzer life. You’re at the tailgate to get irresponsibly drunk and rowdy. However, this makes you the life of the party, a fun person to be around and the loudest person in Kenan Stadium ⁠— for better or for worse.