Here at the interim University of North Carolina, being interim is our shtick. We have an interim Chancellor, an interim UNC-System President, an interim vice chancellor for Student Affairs; an interim vice chancellor for Information Technology and chief information officer; an interim vice chancellor for Workforce Strategy, Equity & Engagement; an interim dean of the College of Arts and Sciences; an interim senior associate dean for Fine Arts and Humanities in the College of Arts and Sciences…
What’s next, an interim football coach? Interim Rameses?
That’s right, folks — that succulent on your windowsill might outlast the current UNC faculty. Hell, even Chad from Theta Apple Pi would probably last longer than the UNC administration.
At this point, we might as well follow in the footsteps of every generic frat boy on Tinder and change our school motto to “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” While we’re at it, maybe we can get Tim McGraw to record a remix of his hit single, tentatively titled “Live Like You Were interim,” to use as our new alma mater.
UNC is really big on their goal to get us to graduate in four years — it even applies to the administration! Perhaps that’s why the University only takes interim responsibility for its actions, or why it refuses to reckon with its history. All that stuff is only interim, you know!
Like our fearless leader, Kevin “interim” Guskiewicz once said, aren't we all, in fact, interim in what we do? This is why, from this day forward, we wish to be known as the interim Editorial Board of The interim Daily Tar Heel. Because, you know, one day we won’t be here anymore, so what we do until then doesn’t actually matter.
Apparently, interims don’t have to be good at their jobs, either, because they’re not going to be sticking around for long. They just have to put in interim effort. If we know you’re going to be leaving soon, why even bother, you know? So, as interim students, we’ve decided to just give up.
Life is short, y’all, and so is the tenure of our administration. Before we know it, we’ll have graduated, headed out into the interim world with our interim degrees in hand. But in the interim, here’s a word of advice: it’s OK if you never go anywhere in life. We’re all just interim anyway.