Column: The best places to have sex on campus

Editor's note: The stories below are contributed by individuals and The Daily Tar Heel neither condones nor endorses any illegal activity. Quotes and submissions are taken from an anonymous survey and may have been edited for clarity.

1. Anywhere in a public bathroom

Not saying it’s not a fantasy, but one word comes to mind when thinking about sex in bathrooms: germs. Not outside, nature-vibe germs; I’m talking more like indoor, human, coronavirus-spreading germs. 

One respondent says: “The hand rails were nice, but the lack of toilet paper was … unfortunate.” Another chose to take precautions when choosing positions: “I was never going to be on the floor of said gross ground of the stall”. 

However, if you choose to take the risk, I’d imagine having sex in a public bathroom could be quite exhilarating and rewarding. I was talking to my friends about this article, and one even claimed, “Having sex in the Might As Well bathroom is a rite of passage.” Just please wash your hands after! 

2. The Old Well

Mostly just because it seems logistically difficult. We’re working with exactly zero walls here guys, at what is perhaps the most iconic structure on campus.

“We had to get behind the Well and I assume it was very apparent what we were doing,” said one respondent who apparently made it work. Props to them. 

Also, the tree branches over the well appear to be held up by wire cables, and I don’t know how much faith I’d put in their strength under some serious sexy shaking. Imagine the headlines: “120-year-old structure toppled by copulating students.” Do you really want to be that person?

3. Dorm study lounges & Davis Library

On the scale of hotness, this is pretty far up there. Think of the potential for hot-for-teacher and school-themed role play. Also, could serve as a great break activity between Econ problem sets. 

Having sex in Davis Library is a time honored tradition, and its not like those shelves haven’t seen naked bodies before ... But here’s the thing about study lounges — If I’m an RA in Hojo and I see two feet peeking out from under a table and a young first-year's head thrown back in glorious ecstasy, do I know what’s going on? Absolutely. But am I going to step in and say something? Looking less likely.

4. Kenan Stadium 

Since we are now for sure a football school, it only seems right to honor these hallowed grounds with fornication. The stadium itself also offers so many fun location options! 

In my survey, I got reports from various bleacher sections, the media box and even the tunnel leading onto the field. One respondent wrote that balancing on the bleachers was “not easy on (my) back”, but said the experience was “definitely worth the thrill.” Whether celebrating a Tar Heel win or hoping to spread good energy for a future one, Kenan provides ample opportunity to celebrate school spirit. 

Addendum: Having sex in Kenan Stadium definitely proves your blood runs Carolina blue, but I doubt anyone can beat this entry in terms of celebratory spirit: “Behind Memorial Hall, my boyfriend lifted me up against the brick wall ... after UNC won a b-ball game while everyone passed unknowingly to go to Franklin.”

opinion@dailytarheel.com