The odd traditions of the Nacirema: When in Rome, don't do as the Romans do

The term Nacirema is 'American' spelled backward. It was first introduced by Horace Miner in "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema." Today, it is mainly used by anthropologists to distance themselves, and avoid personal bias, when writing about American culture, its rituals and its customs.

Moving to Nacireman country was indeed a culture shock, as these exotic people tend to do things quite differently from the rest of the world. While my transition was not quite a smooth one, I would like to make it a little easier for other foreigners coming to visit this alien land. Here are some odd customs of the Nacirema and my advice on how visiting foreigners should deal with them.

Yards, miles, feet, inches: I can confidently say that during my time in Nacirema country I have never truly known how far anything is. While the metric system offers simple conversions between millimeters, centimeters, and meters through multiplication by 10 (10 millimeters = 1 centimeter, 100 centimeters = 1 meter, 1000 meters = 1 kilometer), the imperial system is much more complicated (12 inches = 1 foot; 3 feet = 1 yard; 1760 yards = 1 mile?).

Whenever a Nacireman tells me the distance to a place, I am never sure whether I should call an Uber or walk. If 5,280 feet = 1 mile, does that mean I need running shoes, or can I make do with high heels?

Advice to foreigners: Call the Uber. Trust me.

Fahrenheit: While practically every other country in the world uses Celsius to measure temperature, Naciremans have held onto the archaic Fahrenheit. Celsius appears to be popular with the majority of the world because of its simplicity and accuracy — 0°C is the freezing point of water, while 100°C is the boiling point. However, in Fahrenheit, 32°F is the freezing point, and even more perplexedly, 212°F is the boiling point? 

To confuse things further, Naciremans in STEM often have to learn how to use Celsius anyway. This has led to miscalculations in conversions that have caused some disasters, such as a failed Mars mission. 

The use of Fahrenheit has also led to some confusion between me and my Nacireman companions. There are many a times when I have exclaimed, “It’s 23 degrees! It's so nice out!” only to be met with befuddled stares. 

Advice to foreigners: Say, “It’s nice out!” Period.

Large gaps in toilet stalls: I know I am back in Nacirema country when I am able to sit on the toilet and simultaneously make eye contact with passing strangers. 

Advice to foreigners: Pee at home.

Writing the month before the date: I cannot begin to calculate the number of events or meetings I have missed or come close to missing because I thought they were in an entirely different month. While 01/02/2020 means Feb. 1 to the majority of the world, it means Jan. 2 to Naciremans.

Advice to foreigners: Only write dates on days that correspond to the month, e.g. 06/06/2020.

Constant ads: I remember the first time I watched a movie at a Nacireman’s house only to have it stop halfway through for an ad! Up until that point, I had never seen a movie get cut off by an ad. Not only are the ads constant, but there are ads for anything and everything — even prescription drugs. Yes, the prescription drugs that one cannot even buy without a prescription. 

Advice to foreigners: Read a book.