The term Nacirema is 'American' spelled backward. It was first introduced by Horace Miner in "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema." Today, it is mainly used by anthropologists to distance themselves, and avoid personal bias, when writing about American culture, its rituals and its customs.
We are deep into the holy season of basketball in the village of Chapel Hill.
Basketball is a traditional competition where the tallest children in the village attempt to put a brown sphere into a sacred high basket. It is quite a futile task because the basket has a gaping hole at its bottom; hence, the ball always falls through.
Naciremans convene regularly at an ancient arena to watch basketball in the hopes that they will witness the occasion when someone finally succeeds at keeping the sphere in the basket.
The arena is a holy place for Naciremans; therefore, they diligently keep it clean in fear of angering the ancient gods. This is why Naciremans dress up shorter children in suits and hire them to periodically wipe the basketball court.
If you attend a basketball ceremony, you can witness Naciremans holding up their hands in prayer while singing hymns, such as “Tarrr! Heelll!” or “Uuu. Nnn. Ccc.” Other practices involve clapping their hands once and raising them up when a basketball player is taking a free throw. This is done to summon Prophet Michael Jordan, 23rd of his name, the G.O.A.T., King of the Ceiling and Protector of the Roof. I assume he is the closest a person has ever come to keeping the sphere in the basket.
The villagers are welcoming to newcomers — as long as you are wearing the right shade of blue. In the village of Chapel Hill, that shade is Carolina Blue. I have yet to confirm what color this is, but it seems close to a diluted sky blue. If you wear a deeper shade of blue — specifically, royal blue — you will be heckled, jeered and booed. This is how Naciremans attempt to exorcise the lost souls of those who strayed too far into the valley of the shadow of the Blue Devils.
If you ever find yourself at one of these basketball ceremonies and do not know what to do, do not fret. Naciremans have cleverly engineered a big screen that regularly displays instructions. For example, a song may start and the screen will say “Jump!” So, you jump. Sometimes it says “Make Some Noise!” This is a cue to scream. If it says “On Your Feet!” you must stand up out of respect, although you may have paid for some very expensive seats.
Nacireman basketball ceremonies are also filled with constant performances and music to entertain the gods, lest they be bored. It is not unusual for music to begin blaring during the 10 seconds of anguishing silence as players walk across the court for a free throw.
