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The odd traditions of the Nacirema: Nacireman to English dictionary

Kyende headshot

The term Nacirema is American spelled backward. It was first introduced by Horace Miner in, "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema." Today, it is mainly used by anthropologists to distance themselves, and avoid personal bias, when writing about American culture, its rituals, and its customs. 

If you have ever visited Nacirema country, you have probably had to learn the local language in order to get around. I have been in Nacirema country for almost four years now, and through immersion I have slowly come to learn how to speak in Nacireman. 

Previous to arriving in Nacirema country, I spoke English as a first language. Nonetheless, it has been challenging to learn the Nacireman language. I must say that I am not yet fluent in Nacireman, but I am now able to hold a conversation. So, here are some quick translations that any English speakers can use when they arrive in this exotic land.

If a friend asks you, “do want to watch football?,” what they mean is a Nacireman sport akin to hand egg — and no, you do not want to watch this. Trust me. Instead, what you would like to watch is “soccer.” Soccer is what English speakers refer to as football, while football in Nacireman speak is a violent gladiator sport.

If you are at a restaurant and the waiter asks, “Would you like a glass of water?” what they mean is, “Would you like a glass of ice with a tablespoon of water?” The only way to get room temperature water is to ask for water with no ice, then wait for 15 minutes as the cold water they handed you warms up to the temperature of the room. Also, you must pronounce it Wa-Ah, not Wa-Ter, or Naciremans will have no clue what you are talking about. 

If someone asks you, “Would you like a napkin?” do not take offense, they are simply asking if you would like a serviette. To Naciremans, what we know as a napkin is referred to as a diaper. So, no, they are not asking you if you have had an accident and would like to wear a baby’s sanitary cloth.

If a nice old Southern lady asks, “Would you like some tea?" what she means is, “Would you like a glass of ice tea with a great amount of ice and sugar?” Hence, do not expect your granny’s hot cup of tea with the perfect ratio of milk to water. In Nacireman country, tea is a cold, sugary beverage.

The same thing applies for a biscuit. The sweet Southern lady is not asking if you would like a flat, sweet, cake-like dessert — those are known as cookies. Rather, she is asking if you would like a buttery, salty, scone-like pastry that is often savory. Nacireman biscuits are definitely delicious, but do not make the mistake of asking for tea and biscuits. 

I hope this guide has been helpful to any English speakers planning on visiting Nacirema country.