Problem: Your roommate is talking about you behind your back to your other roommate.
Solution: Tell roommate #1 to square up! It doesn’t matter that you only kept up with the at-home workouts for the first week and a half of quarantine. The baby biceps are there and they’re ready! Some say violence is never the answer, but who cares? We are ready to fight.
Problem: Your roommate appears to be incapable of cleaning up after themselves.
Solution: We’ve all done it — engage in that war of contrition to see who will break first and clean up after the other. If you’re reading this, it means you’ve lost. From here on out, it’s going to have to be guerrilla warfare for you, but not without some initial “diplomacy.” Kindly ask your roommate to pick up the slack. When they don’t, it’s go time.
Dishes are the easiest — just put them in their bed. If that’s too much for you to handle, leave them somewhere in their room. They’ll probably convince themselves they did it anyway. For common areas, do the bare minimum to keep yourself sane: only clean the areas that you use regularly. Leave your roommate to muddle in their own filth. There is a fine line, however, to making sure that the nooks and crannies you “forget” don’t get too dirty, or else you’ll end up with some issues that affect all of you. We’ll let you figure out what that line is for your situation. And don’t be afraid to get creative with the rest of the meddling.
Problem: Your roommate isn’t COVID-safe.
Solution: Maybe they aren’t wearing their mask, or they're going to questionably large parties and constantly meeting new people. The key to resolving this conflict lies in communication. Explain why their behavior is concerning, and ask your roommate if they would be willing to adjust their living habits to keep everyone else safe. If they are unwilling to adjust their habits, consider asking them to get tested frequently via the new saliva-based testing at the Union. Perhaps you could all go together to get tested! You can’t beat roommate bonding (and public safety)!
Problem: Your roommate’s schedule is different than yours, so they stay up all night.
Solution: This isn’t necessarily a problem. In fact, it might present a unique bonding opportunity. Have you considered staying up with them in solidarity, while maybe blasting One Direction’s "Up All Night" album to honor the momentous occasion? Fire album, lifelong memories, two birds, one stone, baby!
Problem: Your roommate SUCKS.
Solution: Get a new one.