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The Daily Tar Heel

Column: In memory of the UNC Parents Helping Parents Facebook group

opinion-facebook-moms

DTH photo illustration. Various examples loosely based on real Parents Helping Parents (unaffiliated) Facebook Mom posts.

Editors note: This article is satire.

The UNC-CH Parents Helping Parents (Unaffiliated) Facebook group was made up of 4,800 concerned Tar Heel moms, full of critiques and comments about everything from their child's wake-up routine to the inner workings of the UNC Board of Governors. The group was recently deleted, but after months of closely studying it, we found numerous posts so significant it would be a detriment to the UNC community not to share them.

“Parents — I was warned that UNC’s registration process had its fair share of problems, but no one told me my child had to put his armor on and go into war!! It is ridiculous that I have to pay so much money for my child to receive a well-rounded education, only for him to not even get these necessary classes. ROFL! 🙂😂😂😂😂”

-Sally Mander

This well-intended mom probably thinks ROFL means Reign Of Furious Ladies — but for now, this one has me ROFL: Rethinking (the necessity) Of Familial Love.

“If your child is feeling lonely, my plug is for Oldman Catholic Center. My daughters have already established several high-quality friendships there!”

-Sheila Martin

They have plugs operating out of Catholic centers these days? Who knew!

“UNC needs to start acting like the elite university that they are. The pre-med track is nearly impossible. My kids have already been 'weeded out' with the acceptance process — why must they endure it again!”

-Helen Highwater

I don’t know much about pre-med ... but it sounds like these "weeded out" students would establish some very high-quality friendships at Oldman Catholic Center! 

“My son’s chemistry test was much too hard..he told me he spent 3 nights straight on the 12th floor of Davis Library, and he still didn’t recognize any of the material!!!!”

-Debra Richardson

“Hi, all! I’m Dorothy Morris, an environmental sustainability expert from Ohio with a lovely daughter named Gracie who is just beginning her UNC journey! Everything has been smooth sailing so far, but I’m worried she won’t feel comfortable with campus transportation as she is very careful about her carbon footprint. Like mother like daughter! 😘

Anyway, does anyone know where I can rent a Uhaul for her move-in? We're going to need several!"

-Dorothy Morris

"Hey, mom’s out there! Remember to Fall Back and move your clocks back one hour…. but make sure your precious children aren’t Falling Back on their studies! 🤣🤣🤣🤣"

-May K. Fist

“Are school administrators seeing the frustration on this page? This seems like a universal problem, if enough of us moms complain eventually something must be done! 😤😤”

-Charlotte Hampton

Yes, sorry Charlotte. Chancellor Guskiewicz forgot that he scheduled his Board of Governors meeting at the same time as his "Check The Mom’s Facebook Group" appointment, would you mind if he pushes it back until Tuesday?

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“Anyone else’s student not get their game ticket email for tomorrow? This is ridiculous, how are kids supposed to plan out meaningful Saturday activities like attending worship groups or reading books in the quad if they don’t know if they got a ticket?” 

6:40 PM

“Disregard - LOL- he just forgot to text me that he got it.”

6:42 PM

“Emergency! 😭 My daughter ordered her Halloween costume the other day, and it looks like it’s missing fabric in many important places! Must be a defect...she says she’s been looking for a seamstress to create a more modest look, but can’t seem to find any in Chapel Hill! Any suggestions?”

-Eileen Dover

If you have concerns with this article, please reach out to the admin of the Parents Helping Parents(unaffiliated) Facebook group. As some of the most persistently involved participants in campus operations — who raised nothing but the best and brightest children — they always seem to know what to do. 

@_hannahkaufman

@dthopinion | opinion@dailytarheel.com