Hey, this is my first-ever anecdote! Coming to you this morning with a very important update on your favorite newsletter author:
Danny's real name is Daniel Nett, which I always thought was a pretty normal-to-dull name. He just informed us that his childhood nickname was Newt, which isn't really surprising, either — longtime newsletter readers will know Danny's really into animals and probably newts.
None of this is real. First of all, the "Daniel" doesn't come from his great-uncle or somebody like that. No, Danny is Danny because his parents' Chinese food order was dan-dan noodles.
And Newt? Short for noodles.
Danny, we love you.
Also in the category of strange parental behavior, my parents taught me to try and assume the best about people, unless they are Duke fans. I wrote about achieving all they've ever wanted for me — a good seat in the Dean Dome to see us beat Duke — in a column today.
— Jane
QUICK HITS
- Meet Dorothy Cilenti, who was named the new interim health director for the Orange County Health Department.
- We hunted down the guy who promised to buy the entire Dean Dome pizza on the megatron, and we are unfortunately not getting our free pizza. No matter how many people try to cyber-shake him down for money.
- Swerve just made a bunch of UNC-themed "what in tarnation" memes so you don't have to. And we only have three (I think?) cheap jabs at d00k!
IN DAILY CRIME
After Saturday night's game, two people are missing their iPhones. In other breaking news, someone reported an underage person trying to get alcohol at Benny Cappella's early Sunday morning.
IN MY OWN PERSONAL OUTRAGE
Blue books have been around for over a century, and scantrons have been at UNC since WWII. AND THEY USED TO BE FREE. I am upset.
IN CAMPUS SPEAKERS
UNC-W professor Mike Adams came to UNC last night to discuss campus free speech. In case you forgot, Adams is well known among conservatives for his advocacy against potentially unconstitutional university speech codes. For the left, he's well known as the professor who wrote an article naming a student and calling her a "queer Muslim social justice warrior."
IN STUDENT GOVERNMENT
Student government's split is finally happening, and new members will be sworn in on April 4. Every year moving forward, UNC students will elect an undergraduate president, graduate president and student body president. But no worries — the same straight, white Morehead can hold two of those positions at once.
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