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The Daily Tar Heel
Party Czar

What is so hard about talking in bars? Everything.

Question: How long can someone talk to you in a bar before it gets annoying?

Not long, is the answer. No, there's too many factors working against people who approach others in bars. Too many factors working against myself, even.

Let's first take into account that most bars are loud. They are playing music which means that you will inevitably have to get close to your addressee's ear. Which means they will be able to smell your breath, smell your scent — good or bad. Usually bad. There might even be an awkward moment where your cheeks accidentally touch. Awkward.

You also have to consider that some types of people are almost always caught up in themselves. None of these people like to think about other people. They don't want to meet new people because it's too inconvenient. They'd much rather talk to people they are comfortable with — people they know won't keep standing next to them after the conversation goes dry. (Don't do this. Move on.) Or, will keep standing there after they say something awkward like, "Hey, I recognize you from Facebook." Awkward.

Another. The guy or girl who speaks everything that's on their mind. And they speak it just a little too much. They'll tell you about where there from, what their grandmother ate for dinner, what size shoe they wear - all details that you don't need to know. And definitely don't want to listen to. At least, not if they are unattractive.

In fact, the only thing that fights against these factors is attractiveness and your ability to relate to other people. If a guy or girl is more attractive, I guarantee you spend that extra three or four minutes wishing, hoping, that they turn into a less awkward person. But this isn't Aladdin. There is no genie. There is, of course, always the off chance of you finding someone that you can relate to. Maybe you both like cake. I like cake. 

The other type of person is one who is way into meeting new people, so instead of talking to you, they have a conversation with the entire bar. They mosey from person to person, small talk. Get basic details - name, age, sexual preference - move on. Then they turn to the person next to you and ask them similar questions. All the sudden you know, you just got the shaft. Awkward.

Finally, there is the drunk bumbler. These are the people I really feel sorry for because they do want to have generally good conversation. But they have had too much to drink, so they can't even speak a clear sentence. And in general that's just ... awkward.

So the answer is: unless you take all of the awkwardness out of talking to someone in a bar, good luck talking for long before it gets annoying. The bar would have to be more quiet, everyone would want to meet other people, but just the right amount of people. Everyone would have just enough drinks to have fun, and not enough to be stupid.

Hey, I'm hopeful.


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The Daily Tar Heel's 2024 Music Edition