The UNC Student Stores: a giant three-story college student consumer paradise, where everything is stamped with a bold Carolina emblem, well, most everything. The student store has a few precious treasures that often go under the radar.
Some of us — the few, the brave — have traveled past the overwhelming Carolina Blue and into the abyss, where we’ve found delightful bizarreness beyond compare.
We’ve got to hand it to the student stores with this one: finger puppets. That’s right. You didn’t read ringer trumpets, although I know you music majors were tempted to. We have the most satisfyingly random array famous people, right at our fingertips. From Jesus to Einstein to Andy Warhol to Marie Antoinette, you have to potential to have all of your favorite historical humans of importance with you at all times.
Venture into the stores a little farther, and you’ll run into something vital: organs. Don’t worry, the student store didn’t mystically turn into a hospital, these organs are in stuffed form. This tucked-away basket is full of soft, plush organs for your enjoyment! Cuddle up with a lime green spleen. Girlfriend’s birthday coming up? How about a sweet pink stuffed uterus! Seriously people, teddy bears are a thing of the past.
Finger puppets and organs are truly good, but we’re students here. Academia, people! There are some beautiful copies of Les Miserables sitting neatly on the bookshelves of the student stores. These copies have covers engraved with designs or dotted with watercolor. This book is an incredible tool for UNC students. Just prop it up on your desk and everyone will think you are a reigning intellectual. You don’t even have to read it to assert its power (as if anyone had the time). Its regal presence is enough for the eyes of onlookers to widen in fear. It’s super versatile too: doubles as a paperweight.
In the very back of the student stores is where we can find a truly unparalleled novelty item: UNC garden gnomes. As you may have guessed, garden gnomes are in very high demand for college students. The assumption that gardening is for older people, who have real homes and free time? Totally false! There are both female gnomes and male gnomes dressed in their best UNC garb, the little lady is holding tiny pompoms. They are old, short and rotund and completely capture the UNC experience.
Finally, while the student stores has an extensive collection of t-shirts, one surely stands out amongst the others. Perfect for any occasion here at UNC — football games, class, even job interviews — is the dark blue t-shirt with simply the word “DADDY” printed across the front. There is no context, does there need to be? Nothing is on the back and only that one word is printed on the front in large, confident block letters. UNC is progressive — we explore the hard-hitting questions and after extensive research, we seem to have finally answered the age-old quandary: “Who’s your daddy?”
Now we know who’s your daddy. Thanks, UNC.
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.
