Before coming to college, I never thought an act as simple as taking a shower could be so satisfying. But that was before I was confined to a tiny room with a complete stranger, where every square inch of space is taken up by living breathing people.
Who knew surrounding yourself on three sides by tile with nothing but a flimsy plastic sheet between you and the air of the bathroom could be so rewarding after a long day, but here we are.
I’ve come to realize that there are only three moods of showering, and they happen to coincide with where you are in the process of showering itself. Think about it the next time you decide to seek refuge in a cubicle of germs with hot water as your only solace.
Pre-shower agony. You don’t want to take a shower. You’ve got a million things to do and you just can’t find the willpower to drag yourself out of bed — or away from your studies or whatever it is you’re doing — and into the shower.
This is especially true since showering at college comes with so much prep. You can’t just stroll out of the bathroom buck naked like you can at home.
Mid-shower bliss. Somewhere between “Titanic-Water Cold” and “Surface of the Sun Hot” is that right temperature that makes you feel like your skin is being coated in liquid gold. It usually comes around the middle of the shower when the last of the cold water has flushed out of the pipe system and you’ve fiddled with the knob enough that you’ve only got two or three burns from the hot water setting.
Unfortunately, somewhere in this nirvana of all nirvanas, you realize you’ve actually got to start cleaning yourself, washing your hair, and the like. Usually, you take a few minutes to soak in the water before that happens which is why some showers take far longer than they should.
Also around this point, you come to the conclusion that you never want to leave and that you intend to make the shower’s little tile stall your home. When that happens — and it happens to everyone, don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about — you have two choices.
Drag your bed into the bathroom, or human up and get on with your shower. Since your mattress probably won’t fit in the doorway anyway, I think it’s safe to say you’ll probably have to go with option two.
Post-shower trauma. After the 30 minutes of ecstasy that is a warm shower — or a cold shower, for you people who prefer to leave in an icy hell — you wrap up in your towel, take a seat on your bed or wherever and proceed to feel entirely blissed out.
For exactly 60 seconds.
Then everything you ceremoniously dumped at the threshold of the bathroom catches up with you. Your annoying roommate is still in the room blathering on about classes or something equally unimportant, your homework remains where you left it — balanced in a precarious pile beside your Keurig and a post-it reminding you of all the good things in life — and all the other responsibilities of your life continue to hold you responsible until it feels as if they universe is shaking you apart at the seams.
If you want to take another shower and proceed to continue to ignore all your problems, I won’t judge.
As long as you listen to Hamilton. Then you can rock out in the shower while listening to some sweet tunes and forgetting all your worries.
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